Sometimes there's not though...

Boy oh boy - i have had a crapper of a day!

Vitriolic attempts at trouble making emails from my mother All. Day. Long. She has lost the plot worse than usual this time.

I got stung by a bee while having lunch with Pete. Now i have a big swollen and itchy arm.

Nixon got out, and i spent the whole afternoon driving around, wasting petrol, looking for him. Animal control phoned me at about 4pm. They had picked him up down at EASTERN BEACH! How the heck he got way down there without getting hit by a car is beyond me. Had to race out to Manukau and collect him before 5pm so that it only cost me $50 instead of a couple of hundred, to get him out. I went from crying about where he could possibly be, to so mad at him, once i knew he was ok. He is now under my bed...snoring...and lucky that i love him so much.

And i didn't get the job. That is ok though. I am not disappointed or feeling set back by that. I am just still so amazed that i got shortlisted, and made it through to the second interviews. It was awesome practice, and gave me a little bit of confidence back. God has something even better planned for me. I know this.

On that note - i am going to hit the sack before anything else bad happens! A friend of mine just advised me that there are earthquakes happening right now, as i type, in Christchurch. That has put my crappy day into perspective.

Nixon

Has left the building.

I went out for an hour, to have lunch with my friend Pete, who was up from Wanganui just for the day. I locked Nixon inside, closed all the doors to the bedrooms...made sure that all windows that were accessible to him were closed...and tried to have a nice lunch with a friend.

Came home an hour later, and Nixon is gone. Billy's bedroom door is open, so i am assuming he somehow - i have no idea how, managed to open Billy's bedroom door, and jump out Billy's bedroom window.

I have driven around looking for him for the past two hours. He. Is. Nowhere.

Add this to the 5 million word email from my mother, putting me down, putting the kids down, putting NIXON down, putting Nick down, putting Nick's family down, and just generally outright lying, in order to hurt me - and i have not had the best of days.

I am seriously considering putting her email on here - No one would believe it, unless they read it for themselves. O well - back to having no mum again. I went 5 years without speaking to her, until Christmas Day...it was peaceful. The only thing that has surprised me about this, is that it did not happen 6 weeks ago. Our most recent attempt at a relationship lasted about 6 weeks longer than i thought it would.

O well. Sh*t happens.

What am i going to do about Nixon? Ugh...that crazy dog does my head in. But i love him.

One of those days

***Warning -  Long Winded Rant Follows***

Today, has been one of those days. I have not been able to do anything right, and everyone got mad at me.

It was Nick's weekend to have the kids, but he never ends up having them over the weekend. When school went back, we had agreed to week on / week off - Monday to Monday with the girls. I was feeling like, for the past 18 months, they have lived with me full time, there has been no structure or planning for when they spend time in Waiuku with him, i have been paying HIM child support, despite the fact that he does not need that money, during this time, and i feel like because the girls hardly ever saw him - i was being taken for granted and he was some kind of holier than thou god in their eyes. So - we agreed to week on / week off. So far that has not happened. Not because the kids want to spend time with me, instead of him, but because they want to spend time with their friends. In my view,  they should still be able to see their friends when with him - it should just be him doing the running around for a change, instead of me.

Anyway, this has not happened. Last week he got them on Tuesday night, instead of Monday, and they came back to me on Friday. The week before he got them on Monday, they came back on Thursday. That's fine, i guess. This weekend Jorgia decided that she was staying a night, with her friends, at my mother's house, on Saturday night. I could not work out why she would not just stay at our place with her friends, but ok...that was fine.

Until all hell broke loose today. Honestly, i don't understand how i ended up in an argument with every single person that i am related to, in this country today.

Things did not go well at my mother's house for Jorgia and her friends. I guess my mother's motive for wanting the girls to stay that night at her place, was to get them to deliver pamphlets or fliers or something with her, for Jamie-Lee Ross. These teenage girls, were unaware of this, until my mother announced that she would not be dropping them at ice skating the following day, unless they went door knocking with her. I felt so sorry for those girls when i heard about this. I could not think of many worse things, than being a 14 year old girl, dressed up in National Party / Jamie-lee Ross caps and clothing, and having to door knock. HORROR! They did it though, and now have funny stories to tell of hot 16 year old boys answering doors without their shirts on, and the girls going speechless, and just running away from the door.

Today, at noon, they went ice skating. The session finished at 4:30, and another parent was collecting them, and taking them back to my mother's house, to collect their overnight belongings and drop them home etc....Well my mother and Graham were heading out to the pub at about 5pm. Jorgia had said they would be there by then to collect their things. The world nearly came to an end, when Jorgia did not make it to mum's place until 5:07. At 5:13pm i got a screeching and yelling phone call from my mother telling me that they were on their way to the pub and that Jorgia's friends were at their place, trying to involve Jorgia in "criminal activity"...Honestly - if anyone that reads this knows Jorgia, or her friends, and happens to be drinking anything right now, that substance that they are drinking will be coming out their nose, as they read this. Jorgia, is a very young 14 year old. Her friends are very young. They all come from good families, and about the naughtiest thing they ever do is....well....i will have to get back to you on that because i can't think of anything terribly naughty that they do!

So i put my bag down - i was about to head to the pub and listen to some Irish music with mum and Graham, when she rang me screaming. The screaming cancelled my plan to go anywhere. I phoned Jorgia. She was with her friends, the parents, and was crying. This is just so embarrassing. Turns out, they had been at mum's place, to collect their stuff, mum was not there, so Jorgia had rung her and asked where the spare key was, and asked if they could get into the house to get their things. This - to my mother, when in a bad mood amounts to burglary? or criminal activity anyway - criminal activity that she later text me and accused me of not caring about.

UGH. Jorgia was also crying because my mother had phoned Nick, and screamed at him. But wait...there is more - my mother had also phoned Jorgia's friends and left screaming messages on their voice mails.

UGH. So embarrassing.

I spoke to Nick, and he advised me that he basically told my mother to bugger off, and that he was going back to watching his football. Hmmmm....lucky for some....considering IT WAS HIS WEEKEND TO HAVE THEM. By this stage, i am slightly frustrated that despite it not even being my weekend to have the kids, he is able to just put his feet up and ignore all this drama...and i have to deal with it.

I pick Jorgia up. We still don't have / can't collect her's or her friend's things. We head home. I stop at the supermarket to get something nice for dinner, to go with the snapper, i have been given...i make a nice dinner, and in the meantime i am getting texts like this - from my mother...

"U couldn't care less that she was letting her friends talk her into criminal activity. BTW they never set a time 2 be back. They all knew that we were actually due to meet Sona here @ 4...by the way Sona has pointed out that you have let her down - Goodbye - think we have earned some peace!"

THAT from the woman that emails me three times every day before i even wake up. That from the woman who phones me 5 times a day. That from the woman who has had to see me every day for the last two months, and gets angry at me if i don't want to go somewhere that she has invited me! That from the woman who's hair i have to set two hours a day aside to do for her!?!?!? SHE thinks SHE has earned some PEACE???? ...and now i am letting her friends down - because i was on my way out the door until she phoned and screamed at me. Nice one.

Next text...when i had not even replied to the last one...

"Think you are the reining queen of ruining everything and anything"

Honestly - i just don't NEED this crap in my life. I had nothing to do with Jorgia being 5 minutes late back to her house. No one had even let me know that she had gone ice skating. I had nothing to do with the whole situation - all i knew was that Jorgia was at my mother's house for the night and day!

How did i ruin anything!?!?!

I tried to not let any of this get to me. I tried to not get upset. I tried to just have a happy evening with the kids, while we waited to be able to go and get Jorgia and her friend's things from my mother's house...then deliver those friend's belongings home to them, because there were things in their bags that they all needed for school.

I made the silly mistake of asking why i should have to do all that running around - when it was not even my weekend to be having them. STUPID STUPID STUPID. The kids then launched into a big huge defense of "Why should Dad have to do any running around for us when he lives in Waiuku???"

Well guess what kids? NO ONE IS FORCING HIM TO LIVE IN WAIUKU! Who's choice is it for him to live in Waiuku?!?!?! and the reason he should be doing all the running around for you this weekend is BECAUSE IT IS HIS WEEKEND! DUH!

Stupid...stupid...stupid...got into a huge argument with all three of the kids - which is ok now - we have all calmed down and talked about it. Went to my mum's and collected all the stuff. Got into a big argument with her again, when i heard her trying to justify her behaviour today, by telling Jorgia that "She can't let her bad friends lead her astray"...Jorgia, and her friends are all good kids. Graham was pretty sweet and understood what i meant when i said that none of this had anything to do with me, yet now, my whole family has been fighting, and feeling crappy all evening, and that i won't allow mum to be in my life if this is what is going to happen.

And that is just it - what it comes down to - i won't let anyone in to my life, who is not healthy for me, and my children to have in our lives...and that includes my mother. I will not let her put me down, yell at me, attempt to control me, or manipulate me, and i won't let her make me feel bad about myself. Not only will i not let her do that to me - i definitely won't let her do that to my children.

I am having very vivid memories, of how none of my friends ever wanted to come over to my house as a kid, and of her chasing my friend Wendy, up Bucklands Beach Rd...with a broom. I am having very vivid memories of her screaming at my friend Una, for forgetting to return a Video to the local video shop, on time, and mum having to pay a late fee -10 years after it happened! It was 6 dollars! I am having very vivid memories of her calling my best friend, and bridesmaid Nicky "White trash" the week of my wedding...SO many very vivid memories.

I can guarantee that Jorgia, and her friends will be in no rush to spend another minute at my mother's home.

As much as i want a relationship with my mother - i can't have that craziness in, or effecting my life. Never again. My whole afternoon and evening was spent feeling horrible, for one simple reason - my mother was in a bad mood.

It could be worse - I could still be a crackho.

The end.

Phew that is a load off. I feel so much better now. I will look on the bright side - at least now we have a really valid excuse for NOT going to her Royal Wedding watching evening!

Jevan Goulter needs some wine...

To go with this cheese!!!



LOL...I'm sorry Jevan...but that is the funniest thing i have seen in a long time! hahaha!

Anyone that knows Jevan, would know how much of a struggle it would have been for him to keep a straight face, during the filming of that hahahaha...the arm movements are the icing on the cake! lol

I don't know how he managed to get through 4 minutes and 23 seconds of that! Love you Jevan - but i can't stop laughing. You are killing me! lol

PS - I am relieved to hear that you are human! lol hahahaa

God Wants You to Succeed - 2

'...The Lord... has pleasure in [our] prosperity.'Psalm 35:27 NKJV

Ignatius Loyola prayed, 'Teach us, Lord, to serve You as You deserve, to give and not count the cost, to fight and not heed the wounds, to toil and not seek for rest, to labour and not ask for any reward save that of knowing we do Your will.'
Success is knowing and doing God's will for your life.

Here are four laws that govern it. First, be clear about the cost. For everything you gain, you give up something. How much are you willing to sacrifice for your dream? Your answer will determine your future. Sometimes the greatest obstacle to tomorrow's success is today's success. Paul writes, '...do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live...'

Second, focus like a laser. Chart a detailed course and establish deadlines. List the things you need to do each day, set regular checkpoints, and when necessary be accountable to someone. '...Walk... making the most of your time...' (Ephesians 5:15-16 NAS).

Third, see yourself achieving it. Maureen Dowd says, 'The minute you settle for less, you get even less than you settled for.' The Bible says that God '...calls those things which do not exist as though they did' (Romans 4:17 NKJV). So start to think now like the person you expect to be then!

Finally, keep learning. Look for opportunities to learn. Paul told Timothy, '...Give attention to reading...' (1 Timothy 4:13 NKJV). The person who won't read is more to be pitied than the person who can't read. Meditate constantly on God's laws and you will succeed in whatever you do (Joshua 1:8).

Well that was a fantastic thing to wake up to, and read on this fine Sunday morning.

I am feeling a little worse for wear this morning. I was all comfy in bed, like the nanna that i am, at about 7:30 last night, when my friend Rachelle, started harassing me to go "out on the town." I had not had a night out with her since November. In fact, i had not seen her at all since November. Since i had felt like doing something on Friday night, and had nothing to do, i figured that i should make the most of the opportunity to get out of my house. Even though all the kids were out for the evening and i was immensely enjoying my TEENAGER FREE ZONE, by wandering around the house in only my knickers!

I spent $15.00 on two Coronas, and i am feeling like i drank 2 bottles of wine, and then added a few tequila shots into the mix, this morning. And yes, i know what it feels like to have drunk 2 bottles of wine and then tequila in one night. In fact i will never forget how it feels to do that. I would have been quite happy to marry the curb that i kissed that night, and live happily ever after...forever. Unfortunately the morning sun on the curb really showed it's age...oh and someone picked me up, and forced me into a car. ;)

Anywayyyyy...not feeling the greatest this morning, so needless to say, instead of jumping out of bed, and going for a 7am run, like i did yesterday - it is now nearly 11am, i am still in bed, and i am eating chocolate chip cookies...for breakfast. There is a reason that i only catch up with Rachelle once every few months! haha...love her to bits though. She is so much fun.

I don't know, if it is just the fact that i am sober when i go out these days, or if the Cock and Bull in Botany has changed the type of patron that it attracts on a Saturday night, but i won't be keen to go back there again - on a Saturday night, anyway. Honestly, the place just oozed sleaze. There were even what looked like gang members, who appeared to be high on P there. They were pretty rough and scary looking - and disgustingly sleazy. Scarily so.

I arrived home, and Nixon had gotten out. I have absolutely no idea how. I had locked him INSIDE the house, with only two windows that he could not get out, open...but somehow he managed to get outside the house, and then jump the fence. I guess i should feel blessed that at least when he gets out these days, he seems to know his way back home, or does not go far, because he came running up to my car, in the driveway, when i arrived home! I swear i should have named him Houdini.

I was happy to tuck myself into bed by the end of the night...even if it was 3am. I might go back to sleep now...just for a little while! Right after i eat another cookie. ;)




My curb - cheating on me : /

 

Life Aint Easy

So lets all laugh a little ;)

God Wants You to Succeed - 1

'...the Lord... has pleasure in [our] prosperity.'Psalm 35:27 NKJV

God delights in seeing His children succeed; what good parent wouldn't? Jesus said, 'If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!' (Matthew 7:11 NKJV).

David wanted to build the temple, but God chose his son Solomon instead. Sometimes our desires differ from God's, so we need to consult Him before we make a move. Usually God reveals His plan one step at a time. If your desire for something persists, it's an indication that God is leading you. So look for the signs, listen to the Holy Spirit, prayerfully evaluate everything, cultivate an instant response to God, reject all feedback that breeds doubt, ask God for wisdom and expect it. And don't be selective about who you're willing to receive wisdom from. After all, God once spoke through a donkey and changed history.

The Bible says, '...Ask... God, and He will give it to you' (James 1:5 NLT). Wisdom is the ability to see and interpret things through God's eyes. What an advantage! The Psalmist says, 'The entrance of Your words gives... understanding...' (Psalm 119:130 NKJV). When God saves you, He renews your mind because that's the drawing-board for your future. Mind management should be one of your top priorities: '...Whatsoever things are... good... think on these things' (Philippians 4:8 KJV).

Don't justify failure another day; refuse to stay bogged down; stop placing blame on others. Instead circle today's date on your calendar and declare that the best days of your life are beginning - right now!

Yep - these are the best days of my life thus far. Although in saying that, i did mention to Nicole, and her friend last night, that i wish i had a boyfriend, because i felt like going out, or doing something. They told me to "go get one then" ...like it is that easy!  I told them that i am too lazy and can't be bothered "getting one"...so they told me "well that is your own fault then cause you could get one if you wanted one."  Oh to be 16 again...and have things seem that simplistic!

Anyway, instead, of going out and just "getting myself a boyfriend"...i spent my evening arguing an absolutely mute point with someone on Facebook! haha What an absolutely amazing waste of time it was.

You see, there is / was a website that had been put up, in response to the earthquake in Christchurch. This website was put up by a religious fanatic, and it stated that the Christchurch earthquake had been brought on by the citizens of Christchurch themselves. It stated that it was their own fault because gay and lesbian people live there. It blamed the earthquake on gays and lesbians. From memory - i only read the website once, and then it was removed - It also blamed the earthquake on the fact that prostitution had been legalised, and stated that New Zealand society as a whole is evil, full of drug addicts, criminals, violence, etc etc...it stated that New Zealand is a modern day Sodom - which if you are not familiar with the Bible story of Sodom and Gomorrah, was a city that God destroyed due to impenitent sin, and homosexuality. It called all New Zealanders who have ever sung our national anthem -  "God save the Queen" - hypocrites. It blamed the state of our economy on our sins.

Everyone knows, that i am a Christian, that i believe in God, and what the Bible says. That is no secret. There are a lot of things about our society here in New Zealand that i do not agree with. New Zealand is a very secular society...no doubt about it. We could, and should be doing things so much differently. That goes without saying. I don't though, agree with, and never will agree with, a hate filled website being published with the sole intention of causing more hurt to people who are suffering. This website was not well written, with valid arguments. It was crass, hurtful, and full of sexually explicit photos. It was the rantings of a hate filled lunatic, that was attempting to incite hate - not the reasoning of a Christian with good intentions, and trying to spread the word of God.

A Facebook page was set up, requesting that people email complaints to the host of this website, until the website was removed. Enough people did this, and the website is, at least for now, gone. This action though, prompted some Christians to rush in there, in support of the website, in the guise of advocating for free speech. Now i am all for free speech, and in all honesty i was out of my depth in this debate, while i tried to explain why i thought it was a good thing that the website had been removed - with a woman that is studying a Master of Laws and is writing a thesis on Rights and Freedoms law, and is married to a theologist.  LOL! I sure know how to pick my battles!

She argued her point re free speech, and how it doesn't matter if it is hurtful to anyone, or if it incites hate - that the website had a right to be there, and requesting that it be removed, or lobbying to do so was a breach of human rights - or something like that anyway.

The most amusing part of this whole debate though, is that this woman is another blogger, that i have met once, and who also knows my "friend" that i have written about my struggles with over the past couple of months. This woman emailed me yesterday, in response to a blog post i had done, regarding the behaviour of this former friend of mine, and what i had written about it. She asked me, if i would consider removing my blog post because it had the potential to cause unnecessary hurt to this former friend of mine. She stated that she did not think it was "kosher" for me to have written my views on the situation, on a public blog - despite the fact that i had not identified this former friend, and no one knew who she was. I thought about what she had to say yesterday, and i removed the blog post in question. Despite it being my feelings, and a true account of what had happened, and how i felt about the whole situation, i removed it because it was not my intention to cause unnecessary hurt to anyone - no matter how bad i think their actions are, or how mean, or crazy i think that person is.

So my only argument with her last night was how were these two situations different? I pointed out the irony of her advocating free speech, no matter how hateful or hurtful that speech is, after requesting that i remove something from my blog that she did not like. She had all sorts of reasons why the two were different - one of them being that her two emails to me were different to a group of people "lobbying" to have someone's writings removed from the internet. Not long after this argument of hers - i noticed her, sending messages to others asking  "Wanna wade in? Hate speech nutters trying to censor a website: " and supplying a link to the page. lol...Hello??? Isn't that lobbying and hate speech itself - by insulting and calling anyone with a view different to your own, a nutter? The irony was more amusement than i could shake a stick at.

Honestly - i wasted hours last night, trying to get my point across - That sometimes, free speech aside, things can just be...wrong...and that website was wrong. Christchurch is full of people who are consumed with grief, who are probably already questioning their faith - if they have one - because of this tragedy, people who have lost everything, people who have no plumbing and have not been able shower, or flush a toilet in days...and people who have not slept in days. I don't know about anyone else that reads this, but do you know how crazy a person can get after 4 days with no sleep? Well i do. Christchurch does not need to have it's residents, riled up by having websites circulating that blame a certain group of people for what they are going through. Political, religious, and free speech debates aside -the website was hurtful and wrong and i am glad that it is gone. Websites like the one in question hurt Christianity, more than anything.

To me, this is simple and i don't need a law degree to work out that you can't have it both ways. You can't request or expect something that you have read to be removed, because it has personal relevance to you, and think that is any different to people wanting something that was hurtful to the people of Christchurch, to be removed. The scale of the hurtfullness is the only thing that differs regarding these two scenarios. I am not talking about having someone else remove my blog, or something from my blog. I am talking about the basic desire to not want to see or read hurtful and damaging things, and our right to request that it be removed - which is what the facebook page was all about.

I struggle with the fact also, that this woman is unhappy about being included in an internet poll with another blogger who she states advocates adultery, by writing about how to get away with shagging a married man at a birthday party (have not read the post in question myself, just got told about it)  -yet she is happy to be friends with, and defend, a woman who commits adultery. I just don't GET that. SOMEONE. HELP. ME. There seems to be one rule for some...and another for others in some people's eyes, i guess.

I should have gone out boyfriend hunting instead last night! It would have quite possibly been a better use of my time!

Phew...that was a read and a half. I was good this morning. I got up at 7am and went for a run. It is a beautiful day out there, and i am feeling fantastic. Morning runs are where it is at!

Oh..and here are a couple of links to news items about that website...in case you had not heard about it.

Extremist Christians blaming disaster on gays
'Despicable': website blames Christchurch quake on gay community

This is - make your stomach hurt from laughing - funny

I had a generally blah - feeling, all round pretty crappy day - despite this though, i have managed to laugh hard.

I honestly don't know what i would do without Facebook - and people like my friend from Christchurch, who on day 3 without a shower, is describing himself as "Smelling worse than a Greek brothel" haha! or friends that share links like this. The snoring at the end of this video is hilarious.

Blessed. I am surrounded by people who exude humour. I love it.

Lifeline - Counselling

Lifeline - Counselling. Free Telephone Counselling.

Lifeline helplines are up and running for those needing to talk in Christchurch, or throughout NZ.

0800 543 354

The disease called "Perfection"

One of my favourite things about my blog, is that it gives me the opportunity to share things that i find online, that i LOVE. This is a long read, but well worth it. I have somewhere to be at 9am so i better get moving - Enjoy!

The disease called "Perfection"



As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest within me to do whatever I can to make a change. Today is not geared at funny. Today is geared at something greater. Read it to the very end. I promise you will be affected in a way you have always needed to be. I spent more than twelve hours writing this post because its message is that important to me.

I wonder. Am I the only one aware that there is an infectious mental disease laying siege on us right now? There is a serious pandemic of "Perfection" spreading, and it needs to stop. Hear me out because this is something for which I am passionately and constantly hurting. It's a sickness that I've been trying to put into words for years without much success. It's a sickness that I have personally struggled with. It's a sickness that at times has left me hiding in dark corners and hating myself.

And chances are it's hit you too.

What is the disease called "Perfection"? Perhaps a list of its real-life symptoms will help you better understand it. We live in communities where people feel unconquerable amounts of pressure to always appear perfectly happy, perfectly functional, and perfectly figured. "Perfection" is much different than perfectionism. The following examples of "Perfection" are all real examples that I have collected from experiences in my own life, from confidential sources, or from my circle of loved ones and friends. If you actually stop to think about some of these, you will cry as I did while writing it. If you don't, maybe you're infected with way too much of this "Perfection" infection.

"Perfection" is a wife who feels trapped in a marriage to a lazy, angry, small man, but at soccer practice tells the other wives how wonderful her husband always is. "Perfection" keeps people from telling the truth, even to themselves. My husband is adorable. He called me a whore this week because I smiled at a stranger. When I started crying, he said he had a game to go watch. I love him so much.

"Perfection" is a husband who is belittled, unappreciated, and abused by his wife, yet works endlessly to make his marriage appear incredible to those around him. "Perfection" really does keep people from being real about the truth. You would have laughed, guys. She said that I suck at my job and will never go anywhere in life. Then she insinuated that I was a fat, rotting pile of crap. Isn't she the best?

"Perfection" is a daughter with an eating disorder that keeps it hidden for years because she doesn't want to be the first among her family and friends to be imperfect. She would give anything to confront it, but she can't because then the "Perfect" people would hate her as much as she hates herself for it.

"Perfection" is when a son has a forbidden addiction, and despises himself for it. "Perfection" makes us believe that nobody else could understand what it is like to be weak and fall prey to the pressures of the world.

"Perfection" is a man who loathes himself for feeling unwanted attraction toward other men.

"Perfection" is a couple drowning in debt, but who still agree to that cruise with their friends because the words "we don't have the money" are impossible ones to push across their lips.

"Perfection" is a mom hating herself because she only sees that every other mom around her is the perfect mother, the perfect wife, and the perfect neighbor. I'd give anything to be Mrs. Jones. Today she ran 34 miles, cooked six complete meals, participated in a two-hour activity with each of her seven children, hosted a marriage class with her husband, and still had time to show up for Bunco. What this mom doesn't know is that Mrs. Jones is also at home crying right now because the pressure to be "Perfect" never lets up.

"Perfection" is a dad hating himself because he can't give the same thing to his kids that other dads do, and then hates himself further because he takes his self-loathing out on his kids behind closed doors. You know what would have been nice? If you were never born. Do you realize how much money I'd have right now? Now come give Daddy a hug because I can force you to give me validation.

"Perfection" is a child hating herself because the boys at school call her fat, and when she goes home she tells her mom that school was fine. Her mom never stops to question why her daughter doesn't have any friends, becaue her mom doesn't want to think that anything might be less than "Perfect".

"Perfection" is a man feeling like a smaller man because his neighbor just pulled in with a new boat.

"Perfection" is a woman who is so overwhelmed that she thinks about killing herself daily. "Perfection" makes it so that she never will because of the things people will think if she does. How could I make my suicide look like an accident? If I kill myself, I don't want anybody knowing that I ever had any problems. She never stops to look at why she wants to do it, because healing means admitting imperfection.

"Perfection" is a man who everybody heralds as perfect, and inside he is screaming to be seen as the faulty human being that he always has been. Because to no longer be "the perfect one", that would be freeing.

"Perfection" is a woman having an affair because she's too afraid to confront the imperfection in her marriage.

"Perfection" is a twelve-year-old boy killing himself because he is ashamed that he can't stop masturbating.

Stop, and read that one again.

There is a twelve-year-old boy buried 20 miles from where I sit because the "Perfection" that has infected the people around him infected him to the point that he deemed his own life worthless. "Perfection" pushed him to take his own life over something most of us would consider negligible in the life of any teenage boy.

"Perfection" is my friend's cousin swallowing hundreds of pills because she just got the news that she was pregnant, out of wedlock, and the shame was too much to bear. She was only attempting to cause a miscarriage. 24 hours later, she closed her eyes and never opened them again. She is dead because of the "Perfection" infecting those around her. We'd rather you die than shame this family. Thanks for taking care of that, honey. By the way, we'll do the right thing and make ourselves out to be the victims now. We have to. We're infected with "Perfection".

I could go on. This is all a small sampling of the disease called "Perfection". You have brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, extended family members, neighbors, friends, and children who are ALL these things, yet none of us will ever know. "Perfection" is a hideous monster with a really beautiful face. And chances are you're infected. The good news is, there is a cure.

Be real.

Embrace that you have weakness. Because everybody does. Embrace that your body is not perfect. Because nobody's is. Embrace that you have things you can't control. We all have a list of them.

Here's your wake-up call:

You aren't the only one who feels worthless sometimes.

You aren't the only one who took your frustrations out on your children today.

You aren't the only one who isn't making enough money to support your lifestyle.

You aren't the only one who has questions and doubts about your religion.

You aren't the only one who sometimes says things that really hurt other people.

You aren't the only one who feels trapped in your marriage.

You aren't the only one who gets down and hates yourself and you can't figure out why.

You aren't the only one that questions your sexual orientation.

You aren't the only one who hates your body.

You aren't the only one that can't control yourself around food.

Your husband is not the only husband who's addiction sends him online for his sexual fulfillment instead of to you.

Your wife is not the only wife that is mean and vindictive and makes you hate yourself.

Why didn't somebody, anybody, put their arm around that 12-year old boy and let him know that they loved him and would always love him? What was he being told and taught that he would end his own life over something that almost no teenager can control? Maybe that beautiful and wonderful boy would still be alive if even one person had broken down the "Perfection" that completely controlled all those in his life from whom he desperately craved validation.

Why didn't somebody, anybody, tell a beautiful pregnant girl that there was nothing so big in life that it couldn't be made right. Maybe that incredible young woman would still be alive. Maybe her now one-year-old child would be learning to walk or say "Mommy" right now. Maybe.

Maybe.

The cure is so simple.

Be real.

Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you. Once you cure yourself of the disease, others will come to you, asking if they can just "talk". People are desperate to talk. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will tell you of some of the greatest struggles going on. Some of the most "perfect" people around you will break down in tears as they tell you how difficult life is for them. Turns out some of the most "perfect" people around us are human beings after all, and are dying to talk to another human being about it.

You'll love them for it. And you'll love yourself even more.

Let's not forget this quote: "I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere." Somebody who is being a friend doesn't spread "Perfection". Somebody who is being a friend spreads "Real". Then, and only then, can we all grow together.

I am not perfect, nor do I want anybody to think of me as such. Here's my dose of real:

I once stole a box of money that was meant for a child with cancer. There was more than $150 inside. That was 12 years ago, and I still hate the person in me that did that.

I believe in God, but not religion. It took me 30 years to find the courage to say that. It took me 30 years to believe that I could be a good man and still believe that.

I once got so angry at my wife that I hit the wall. The dent is still there, haunting me every time I see it because I never thought that was something I would do.

I once sat in my bedroom crying uncontrollably because I felt like everybody thought I was fat and ugly. I was a full grown man.

There are some people I avoid bumping into in public because I feel like I'm not as good as them.

I judge people harshly who share the same features that I hate about myself.

Sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm not funny. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I stay at home on a weekend because I just don't want to see the "Perfection" going on around me. Sometimes I want to drop-kick a perfect person's head across the room.

"Perfection" infects every corner of society. It infects our schools. It infects neighborhoods. It infects our workplaces. This is not to say that there aren't a lot of genuinely, happy people. I am one of those people. Most of the time. There is nothing more beautiful than a person finding true happiness in who they are and what they believe. No, this is not me trying to diminish the happiness in others. This is merely me pathetically attempting to put a face on a problem that I see everywhere but few people ever notice.

This is me, weeping as I write, asking the good people of the world to find somebody to put their arm around and be "real". This is me, wishing that people would realize how beautiful they are, even with all of their imperfections. This is me, sad and desperate for the girls in this world to love themselves. This is me, a very imperfect man, trying to help others feel a little more perfect by asking you to act a little less perfect.

Will you help me spread "Real"? Tell us below just how perfect you aren't. You never know who might be alive tomorrow because you were real today. You never know who needs to feel like they aren't alone in their inability to be perfect. Even if you comment as an anonymous guest, please comment. Tell us what you struggle with. Tell a sad or dark secret. Get vulnerable. Get real. Let's see if we can get 1,000 people showing the world that we're not defined by perfection.

And if you like, share this post. If you want the people around you to start being real, you have to be real first. If it's your first time here, we'd love to have you follow us. I promise it's not always this intense (or nearly this long). I'll post something really funny tomorrow.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing Being Real

Police to apologise to Veitch

Police to apologise to Veitch - Yahoo!Xtra News

Police will apologise to broadcaster Tony Veitch over the way they released information regarding his case.

They were urged to do so in a critical Independent Police Conduct Authority report.

The IPCA says officers released documents from the investigation into Veitch's injuring of former partner Kristin Dunne-Powell without consulting him or his lawyer.

Auckland City Commander Superintendent George Fraser says police have now taken action to provide extra training for staff who handle official information act requests.

Tony Veitch says this represents closure for him.

How awesome - Tony Veitch is getting "closure"...Really? Are you kidding me? Only in New Zealand...do the police end up having to apologise to violent offenders. The world has gone mad.

Empowered Storytelling | Create a Supportive Life Story

When you remember that you are the author of your own life story, you are free to create a masterpiece.

We all have our own life story. It is filled with relationships and events that help shape who we are and what we believe to be true about the world. Depending on our perspective and willingness to grow, our experiences can become fodder for negativity and patterns of playing the victim, or they can fuel a life of empowerment and continued self-development. It is the story we tell ourselves about what happens that makes all the difference.

Take a moment to look at the life story you create for yourself on an ongoing basis. If you generally feel peaceful about the past and trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way, then you are framing circumstances in a manner that serves you well. On the other hand, if you retain a lot of guilt or resentment and often feel weighed down by life, you may want to start telling yourself a new version of past and present events. No matter who the characters are in your story or what they have done, you are the only one who can give their actions the meaning they will have for you. You are the only one who can define what role you will play in your own life. By taking responsibility for your story, you are able to learn and grow, forgive and find compassion, and most importantly, move on into a brighter future.

From now on, you can choose a life story that supports you. Let it be proof of your own resilience and creativity. Be kind with the roles you give yourself and generous with how many chances you get to learn what you need to know. When you remember that you are the author of your own story, you are free to create a masterpiece. ~ The Daily OM

I absolutely adore this. Love, love, LOVE it.

I have been sitting here for the last half hour, partly stunned, partly laughing, partly horrified, and partly wondering what to do with some comments that have been made on my blog in relation to my blog post this morning, by one person.

I was going to publish them, because i don't think anyone would believe how truly crazy they are, unless they read them for them self...but because every other word is the F word, and i can't edit the comments to get rid of the swearing, and also because they identify who my "friend" was, i decided not to publish them.

So instead, i decided to share the above message, in the hope that it will be read by the person who left those vile comments / threats on my blog, and i will focus on being grateful that i am me...instead of focusing on the negative that is out there.

Had a superb day today. I had my job interview this morning. Not too sure how it went, but no doubt i will find out in the next few days. I am not feeling all that positive about it, and am looking at it more as practice...but then i was shocked that i even got a second interview, so ya just never know. If i don't get it, then it just means that God has something better out there, in mind for me!

Went out for lunch with mum after the interview. It was a beautiful, sunny day today. We were going to go to Goode Brothers in Botany for lunch, but i noticed a Mexican place next door to it. I LOVE Mexican food and it is one of the main things that i miss about The States - right after my family, comes decent Mexican food! Well i don't have to miss that any more! The Mexicali Cafe at Botany makes THE yummiest Mexican food EVER! I had an amazing taco salad, and washed it down with a margarita. YUM, YUM, YUM. So yummy in fact, that mum and i had to have another margarita...just to make sure they are constistently good...and stufff! haha...I probably should not have had that second one, as it went straight to my head. I just can't drink, like i used to be able to. I sometimes wonder if i did permanent damage to my liver, when i was involved in that hideous life, or if it is just because i so rarely drink these days,  that i start getting a hangover WHILE i am drinking.

Anyway - regardless of how ill i felt after that second margarita - it was a lovely afternoon, and if you enjoy Mexican food, i totally recommend them. There is one at the Viaduct, and one in Nuffield St in New Market, as well.

Got the pleasure of meeting Michael Wood while i was sitting there with mum as well...gosh she seems to know everyone, and everything about Botany. Nosy, nosy, she is...he walked past where we were eating, saw her, and came and sat with us for awhile, with two other Labour MP dudesssss. All very nice chaps. Michael Wood comes across to me, as a genuinely nice and honest guy. It's a bit of a shame that National have such a strong hold in Botany actually, and he is not going to have a bit more of a chance. I liked him, from what i briefly observed of him.

Anyway, went for my run earlier. I am loving how it has cooled off a little bit. It is still such lovely weather to be outside, but not so hot that i write my own obituary in my head, while i am running! haha

On that note...laterssssss.

Awesome Maori Guy

Anyone recognise, or know him? Fairfax Media are trying to identify him....He appears to be living proof of what adrenalin can do to our bodies!

Stuff.co.nz are looking for this guy! He's featured in heaps of news footage. He was throwing massive concrete blocks like they were made of polystyrene in Christchurch. Just the average NZer mucking in and helping where he can.

If you know him get in touch with Stuff :)

Why We Need Each Other

'...encourage the fainthearted, help the weak...' 1 Thessalonians 5:14 NAS

A mouse looked out through a crack in a farmhouse wall and was distraught to discover a mousetrap. When he went to tell his buddies, the chicken said, 'Sorry, pal, not my problem.' The pig said, 'I'll pray for you.' The cow was busy and said, 'Come back later.' Dejected, the mouse was left alone to handle his problem.

That night, a poisonous snake got caught in the mousetrap and when the farmer's wife went to investigate she got bitten. She developed a raging fever, and everyone knows you treat a fever with chicken soup. So the farmer took his axe to the barn for the main ingredient! As his wife's condition deteriorated and neighbours gathered, he had to butcher the pig to feed them. Finally she died. So many people came to the funeral that he ended up slaughtering the cow to make dinner for them all. In the end, everybody lost!

The Bible says, '...encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.' It only takes one thing to be an encourager: a willingness to '...bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves' (Romans 15:1 NAS).

Before deciding somebody else's problem has nothing to do with you, read this: '...If one member suffers, all the members suffer...' (1 Corinthians 12:26 NKJV). You can't sit on the sidelines while someone's hurting; tomorrow it may be you! We are told to 'Share each other's burdens...' (Galatians 6:2 NLT). When one of us is threatened we're all at risk. Our lives are woven together for a reason; each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry.

Hmmm - i wonder what happened to the mouse? It would seem that it escaped the trap situation completely unscathed!

This has got me thinking this morning.

Yesterday i read a nasty comment on a blog that was directed at me by a former "friend." It was done so in an anonymous fashion, however since this woman is another blogger it was not hard to tell, after having read many of her blogs in the past, that the writing style was hers. The way a person writes is like a signature. It is quite amusing really.

Anyway, people that follow my blog will remember that last month, a friend of mine attempted suicide. I use that term rather loosely actually. After deciding that her whole sense of self worth depended on the attention and "love?" of a married man she sent a very vindictive and spiteful email to this man's wife in the hope that the wife would leave her husband, and the husband would then be free to be with her. When that did not happen, and the husband cut off all contact with my "friend" she then wrote a very long winded suicide note on her blog, that had she not survived, would have been there forever for her daughter to read, took a bunch of iron pills, slipped into a sexy black nightie - and waited for said married man to show up.

A spanner got thrown into the works though, when married man saw the blog post, contacted me, and asked me to get in touch with her parents.  So instead of married man showing up and deciding that since she could not live without him he would leave his wife - her parents turned up with her daughter in tow - and took her to the hospital.

She promptly discharged herself from hospital the following morning and spent the day at the beach phoning and texting the married man, blaming him for all her problems and accusing him of lying to her. Hello - he is a married man that is unfaithful to his wife. The fact that he is a liar surprises her?

This went on for weeks.

Despite doing my best to help,  i too became the evil enemy and she the victim of my evilness. I assume this was because i just could not muster much sympathy for her - no matter how hard i tried. I found her actions, immature, selfish, spiteful and in all honesty i was more concerned about the effect everything was having on her daughter.

Over the past nearly two months this "friend" has sent numerous emails, to numerous people referring to me in very nasty and vindictive ways. She has posted very nasty and untrue statements about me on blogs.

Despite all of this, when our paths have crossed, online, i have continued to tell this woman that if she ever needs a real friend - who will not lie to her - then i am here,  but that i refuse to sit and watch -or worse agree with - such destructive behaviour. I refuse to sit and tell her that everyone around her is bad and evil, and that she is a victim who no one will ever love. I refuse to agree that her parents are evil. I refuse to condone her desire to split up a happy family. I refuse to sit back and egg her on while her behaviour damages her beautiful daughter - like her other friends seem happy to do. Maybe her other friends love watching train wrecks and drama. I don't.

I have wondered to myself over the past two months if i have done something wrong in this situation. Could i have handled it better? Maybe i should not have been so cynical about her behaviour. In all honesty, i saw her behaviour as an attempt to manipulate and my attitude toward her has reflected that. The fact that this was the second time she had done this, in 12 months - over a man both times- didn't help either i guess.

Anyway - today's reading, after her dig at me yesterday, has really got me thinking this morning about what i could have done differently, or how i could have better handled this situation. I read somewhere that we should always help others but not at the expense of ourselves. I saw a lot of how i used to think, i saw a lot of my old mentality in her behaviour and i just did not want to get dragged back into that way of thinking.

Could i have done something different that would have helped her?

I just don't know.

1:50am

UHG!!!

Do You Mind Waiting?

'...Let... patience... do a thorough work...'James 1:4 AMP

Larry Moyer tells the story of a prison warden who asked a man on death row what he would like to eat for his last meal. He said, 'A huge piece of watermelon.' The warden said, 'You must be joking! This is December. Watermelons haven't even been planted, let alone harvested.' The inmate replied, 'That's OK, I don't mind waiting.'

So here's the question: do you mind waiting? How do you act when things don't move fast enough for you? Graciously, or not so graciously? A well-known minister writes, 'I happened to be in a store and had waited a long time in a slow-moving line to pay for one little item. The people in front of me had stacks of items. Then I was overlooked while somebody else was served ahead of me. When it was finally my turn, the sales assistant looked at me and said, "Thank you for waiting. Are you who I think you are... that preacher on TV? I knew the minute you walked in that it was you." I thought to myself, "What if I'd been angry and mouthing off because I wasn't served in the proper order?" Impatient behaviour can adversely affect our witness.'

When you view life's irritations through God's eyes, it changes how you feel about situations that are testing your patience. You begin to see them as friends, not enemies. You realise that God permits them to help mature you. So, '...Let... patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be... perfectly... developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.'

Oh mannnn...i used to do that all the time. Mouth off that is - in situations like that. I realised recently, just how much i have changed with respect to patience, when i was standing in line at Foodtown (buying Toys R Us his beer!) and he did that very thing. The lady in front of us was buying a bunch of stuff, and she must have wanted two separate receipts, because she separated her groceries into two separate piles etc...well, with both transactions she had alcohol, or wanted cigarettes...so both times we had to wait while the checkout supervisor came to authorise those purchases. Nicole and i were just standing there, bored, not really paying attention to how long things were taking, until Mr Toys, said something really rude, at the top of his voice.

Nicole and i just looked at him - horrified, then tried to pretend we were not with him. He MUST have noticed our disgust, because he then tried to make light of it by doing a very unattractive dance to try to make us laugh. We just pretended we were not with him - the next time it was time to go to the supermarket - Nicole declined to come with us.

Ugh he was foul.

Anywayyyyy...i have a lot more patience these days, than i used to have. In fact in am never in a hurry...for anything much at all. It is a wonderful feeling, to just go with the flow, and know that everything is running smoothly, according to His plan. It takes a lot of pressure, and a lot of stress away. In fact, it takes it all away.

I made corn fritters for dinner tonight. YUM. If you ever need to feed a family of 4 for under ten dollars - they are the way to go! I totally pigged out and ate like 6 of them...then suffered stitch the whole way through my run. Mental note to self - pig out on corn fritters AFTER your run next time.

I am tired, and nervous about tomorrow. I went and bought a new top to wear to the interview. I have a lovely knee length black skirt that i bought to wear to my sentencing! Nice that it has come in handy again. I wore it to the first interview with a white top, and i didn't want to wear exactly the same thing tomorrow, so i went and purchased a new top to wear with it tomorrow. It looks really nice.

I'm nervous...and on that note....goodnight!

Another thing that i am no longer impatient about!

The Cuteness

Donations can be made directly into: Canterbury Earthquake Appeal either at an ANZ Branch - account number 01-1839-0188939-00,  or at the National bank - account number 06-0869-0548507-00.

Hard to Imagine

...that there is even war going on in this world, from where we are sitting right now...isn't it?  New Zealanders are truly blessed.

Prime Minister John Key says a contingent of 72 has already arrived from Australia and 300 police officers are set to come as well.

Help is coming from Australia, the United States, Singapore, Japan, Taiwan and Britain.

Australia is sending 148 search and rescue specialists. Australian Attorney-General Robert McClelland says two emergency management liaison officers are also heading to New Zealand and he has talked to the state governments about sending extra nurses and other medical help.

The United States Government says it is deploying a disaster assistance response team, which includes search and rescue personnel from the Los Angeles County Fire Department.

US AID administrator Rajiv Shah says 70 personnel and equipment will be sent, and the US Government stands ready to assist in any way it can.

Britain will also send a search and rescue team, which is ready to deploy immediately. British Prime Minister David Cameron announced during a visit to Kuwait that he has told Mr Key Britain will provide whatever help is required.

The Japanese Consulate in Auckland says three members of a rescue team have arrived in Auckland from Japan on their way to Christchurch.

Deputy consul-general Mitsuko Ito says a further 70 people - with four rescue dogs - will arrive on Thursday.~ Radio New Zealand

Bye Bye Hone

Slip out the back Hone. Make a new plan Hone!

Hone Harawira quits Maori Party - National - NZ Herald News

Outspoken MP Hone Harawira has left the Maori Party to form a new political movement.

A statement issued by Mr Harawira today said he would become an independent MP for the rest of the parliamentary term.

He would contest November's general election in his Te Tai Tokerau electorate as an independent or with a new political movement.

The decision was to avoid destroying the Maori Party he had worked hard to build up, he said.

"I did not lead the 2004 Foreshore and Seabed March from Te Rerenga Wairua to Parliament that gave birth to the Maori Party, to see it destroyed by infighting five years later, and I understand the vital importance of putting the problems of the past few weeks behind us so that we can all move on.

"I am also comfortable with the view that we have come to a point where we can all agree that it is best for me and the party to go our separate ways, and to focus on the issues that are crippling Maori people, and indeed Pasifika and Pakeha people living in poverty throughout this country.

Mr Harawira said he had promised not to stand against the Maori Party in any other electorates in November.

In return its leadership had agreed not to stand a candidate against him in Te Tai Tokerau, he said.

His only criticism was reserved for Maori Party president Pem Bird, who had disappointed him by releasing the results of yesterday's disciplinary and disputes committee hearing to media.

Its recommendation was for Mr Harawira to be expelled from the Maori Party because his dispute with party whip Te Ururoa Flavell could not be resolved.

The party's National Council was to decide how to make a final decision on Mr Harawira's future today.

Mr Harawira said the leak had undermined the credibility of the process and pre-empted the Council by resigning.

He said he would start a new political movement focussed on what is good for Maori and would be releasing detailed policy closer to the election.

"My life before entering politics was one of constantly challenging myself and those around me to achieve positive change for Maori, and I am confident that there is a lot more that I have to contribute to the political makeup in this country.

"I look forward to the next few months with optimism and renewed vigour, and with a focus on building a movement that acknowledges that what is good for Maori will also be good for Aotearoa."

Mr Harawira did retain a link with the Maori Party - agreeing to meet with its caucus to discuss issues of common concern and giving them his votes to pass on in his absence from parliament.

Bye Bye Hone!

Amusing timing huh? This would normally be front page news...

8 rules to a better life

Evaluating Media | Fresh Mind

It is up to us to seek out media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains energy and hope.

There is a lot of information available to us at this time in history, more than ever before, and it travels fast. We are able to learn in the blink of an eye about something that happened halfway around the world, and it’s natural for us to want to know what’s going on. However, it’s also fair to say that we don’t want to become so caught up in one way of looking at events that we lose perspective. Often, the news comes to us in a very fear-oriented format, and when too many of us get caught up in fear, the balance of the whole is disrupted. It helps to remember that we have a much greater and more positive impact on the world when we maintain our inner sense of peace and joy.

We are aware enough to know when we are eating something that is not good for us, because we don’t feel well after we’ve eaten it. In the same way, we can determine for ourselves whether the sources in which our information comes are ultimately healthful. News can be presented in a way that inspires us to take positive action to help the world, or it can be presented in a way that leaves us feeling powerless and sad. It is up to us to seek out and support media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains our energy and our hope.

For a time, it may even be of benefit to commit to a media fast, in which we stop taking information in for a time to give ourselves a rest. When we return to the task of taking in and processing the information all around us, we will come to it with a fresh mind. This will enable us to really notice how we are affected by what we hear and see, and to make conscious choices about the sources of information that we allow into our lives. ~ The Daily OM

Amazing - that just landed in my email in box. God works in mysterious ways...he also emails too!

The day the earth roared

The day the earth roared Stuff.co.nz

A really good read...My favourite part of this whole article is the end.

New Zealand, we need you to have our back on this one. We don't need insensitive journalism and voyeuristic pictures of our dead.

We do need decisive leadership - on the radio at 3pm Mayor Bob Parker's comment that he couldn't declare a state of emergency was met with jeers of derision from the affected. That said I don't want to give Bob a hard time, kudos to him for stepping up again. Maybe, though, it's too much for one man to be expected to lead us through another disaster like this?

New Zealand we need you to have our backs. Aside from practical support which we thank you for, we need you to understand how draining and anxiety-causing these aftershocks are. We need you to give us your strength, kindness and support to help us get through this anxiety-ridden time.

Wherever you live, whatever you do, hold your loved ones close, tell the people you care about what they mean to you, and please, no matter where you are in New Zealand, pack your survival kit - I used to watch those ads and think they didn't apply to me too.

Life is fragile. I stood on the edge of the abyss and peered into the darkness today.

People of New Zealand, let your love be our light now.

I bolded that top sentence because i could not agree with that more. That is why i am avoiding the news, and Facebook at the moment. I am doing so in protest, because until people stop looking at those things, and reading them - the media will keep putting them out there.

My prayers are with the people in Christchurch

...but in all honesty - i have seen enough pictures, watched enough footage, and read enough Facebook updates relating to it - for now. There is nothing else that i can read or watch, that is going to inform me of anything that i don't already know. Watching dead bodies being dragged out of rubble, and hearing about make-shift morgues is just morbid.

Why don't the media have a bit of respect for those people? Why do the majority of the public want to see and hear about those things? I mean the media would not be so desperate to make sure they are the first to get those images and stories to us - if people were not fascinated by them.

If i could help in any way, maybe i would want to see those things. But i can't, and i don't.

Since there is nothing else going on today, i figured i would do my ABCs...

A is for Age: 40
B is for Beer of choice: Corona
C is for Career: still working on that but i think i am going to do something with my writing
D is for favorite Drink: Coffee
E is for Essential item you use everyday: My Laptop!
F is for Favorite song at the moment: Pink - Perfect
G is for favorite Game: Uno
H is for Hometown: Spokane, Washington
I is for Instruments you play: The Flute and the Clarinet
J is for favorite Juice: Apple
K is for Kids: Billy, Nicole, and Jorgia
L is for Last kiss: Can't remember! Or more accurately - would rather forget!
M is for marriage: Technically but only because i am too lazy to get a divorce lol
N is for full Name: Jacqueline Kim Sperling
O is for Overnight hospital stays: Only one that i can remember - when i had quit that drug, had a terrible flu and withdrawals, and was trying to shift all my furniture out of that hideous apartment in Mt Eden all by myself.
P is for phobias: Heights
Q is for quote: "It's never too late to be what you might have been" - George Eliot
R is for biggest Regret: Setting a bad example for my children / not always being there for them or being a good parent, in the past
S is for sports: Running
T is for Time you wake up: 6:00am unless i don't have to take the girls to school - i can sleep in VERY late when i don't HAVE to get up.
U is for color of Underwear: White
V is for Vegetable you love: Spinach
W is for Worst Habit: Smoking
X is for X-rays you have had: Had a chest X ray when i spent that night in hospital
Y is for Yummy food you make: Chicken enchiladas and my mean chocolate chip cookies
Z is for zodiac sign: Virgo

Well that kept me busy for 5 minutes! I might go give blood. Maybe that will make me feel a bit more useful.

Holy cow - i can't even do that...check out the eligibility criteria! Apparently i will never be allowed to give blood - if you have ever snorted any drug through a straw then you are not eligible to give blood. I wonder why that is? I can understand not being eligible if you were / are an IV drug user (which i never was) but snorting it?

After reading through that eligibility criteria, it is not hard to work out why The New Zealand Blood Service is always short on donors...and blood...but there is the link to their website, if you want to check it out.

I think i might go back to sleep for awhile...

You can't un-ring a bell

An audio episode from Niki Gunning's book "Monday Musings" ...that i thought i would share. Well worth a listen.

Letting go of the past The Women's Information Network thewinonline.com

In this episode Niki uses an Oscar Wilde quote to discuss letting go of the past. Niki discusses perception and tools to use to prevent having regrets in one's life.

It is a powerful reminder to us about what we have control of and Niki puts forward the idea that we do not have control of the past.

Think About What You Think About - 2

'He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope...' Ephesians 3:20 NLT

It's said that the king of Saudi Arabia once invited a famous golfer over for a tournament. Before the man returned home the king said, 'I'd like to give you a gift. Anything you want; name it.' The golfer declined politely, saying he didn't need anything. But the king was adamant, so he conceded, 'Well, Your Highness, I collect golf clubs.' He imagined perhaps a gold putter or a diamond-studded driver. Imagine his shock weeks later when he got a letter containing the deed to an 800-hectare golf club!

Paul says, 'God... is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope...' Kings don't think like we do, and when you serve the King of Kings that's doubly true! God's plan for you is far beyond anything you could envision for yourself. The Psalmist said the Lord had dealt 'bountifully' with him (Psalm 13:6 NKJV). God values the smallest effort - it's small-mindedness He objects to! If you truly believe He is directing your steps and that goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life, then you can expect great things from God. Barbara Johnson says, 'Always anticipate the best!'

Remember, '...Faith is being sure of what... we do not see' (Hebrews 11:1 NIV). So even when you can't 'see' it, trust God to work on your behalf, to arrange for you to be in the right place at the right time, and for others to go out of their way to help you - and watch God work.

 Maybe that is how things will work out with my job hunting? :)

Long day today, and i am so tired tonight. I didn't go for a run at all, and i am not very impressed with myself because of that. High tide was at 11 am, or something like that, so i decided to go to the beach for a swim. Our days of summer, are drawing to an end, and i want to make the most of every single one that we have left. I even noticed today, while down at Eastern Beach, lying in the sun, that it was taking way longer for me to feel like i was burning. A couple of weeks ago...an hour down there was long enough. Today, i spent a couple hours down there, swimming and just soaking up the sunshine.

Hopped in my car just after 1pm, and was going to head home, fix the sheepskin rug, grab Nixon, and go for a run....but i ended up gluing myself to the TV all afternoon, watching the earthquake news, with the girls. (they had a half day today)

A friend of mine, phoned me from Australia to ask if i had heard how many people had been killed. I told him that no, the TV had only said that there had been fatalities but had not confirmed that number. They were telling us that they did not know. This friend of mine replied that John Key was on his way to Christchurch, and that John Key would announce the number of fatalities in a press conference. Sure enough, the media were saying that they had no idea how many people had been killed - and then John Key came on the TV and announced a number.

Why? Did we have to wait for John Key to get down to Christchurch to be given that information? Why did it have to come from him? I find that weird.

Anyway, i decided that i had enough of all the bad news for the day, and went to quiz night...but i am just feeling too blah tonight, so i came home early and now i am going to hit the sack. No more TV. No more Facebook. No more internet tonight. I have had a big enough fill of tragedy for one day.I cant' read / watch/ listen to any more.

This is enough to bring a tear to one's eye...

Cathedral Square - Christchurch

Really Stink.

I have the funniest friends in the world...

Here is the email response that i just received from a very good friend of mine, after i advised him that i have put him down on my CV as a personal reference - mainly because he is a big manager dude.

No worries.....


I have known her for over 5 years.....back when she was a hooker.....oh she is a wonderful person.....specially now she has got rid of the nasty crack habit, and the pesky bracelet......weaknesses? Bad boys with tatts mainly....

 
hahahhahahaha!
 
My stomach is a bit sore from laughing right now. I ADORE my friends....especially this particular one.
 
Right, on that note - i am off for a 12 k run. Quiz night tonight so no time tonight, and i slacked a bit last week. Only did 41 k as opposed to the 52 k that i did the week before!
 
Not good!

YAY - I have an excuse today!

International Act Like a 4-Year-Old Day

To properly celebrate IALA4YOD (it just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) you should make sure to do the following throughout the day.

1. You should believe there's no reason for anybody not to like you.

2. You should wiggle your butt while you dance, and not care what anybody thinks when you do.

3. You should sing your heart out even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket.

4. You should not stress about money today. At all. Unless that stress is because you don't have a quarter for the gum ball machine.

5. You should not hold any grudges. Unless it's aimed toward the dog for eating one of your Lincoln Logs.

6. You should insist on hugging everybody before you leave anywhere.

7. You should look at everything around you as wondrous and new.

8. You should ask questions and learn the answers to things you don't know.

9. You should be quick to forgive those who do wrong to you or hurt you. Unless it's the dog/Lincoln Log thing.

10. You should sit down and take the time to color a picture, doing your absolute best to stay within the lines.

11. You should look at your parents as people who know more about life than you do.

12. You should live in the present.

13. You should run or skip from room to room.

14. You should create something wonderful with building blocks or Legos.

15. You should show off something you're passionate about to the people you love.

16. You should use your outside voice inside. Make sure to get right in somebody's face when you do.

17. You should not care about who's cool and who's not cool. Be friends with everyone.

18. You should not notice the color of other people's skin.

19. You should take a nap.

20. You should let your imagination take you places you've not been in a long time.

21. You should ask why about the things you have always believed but never questioned.

22. You should go somewhere fun like the zoo, an aquarium, or a theme park.

23. You should get on your bike with nowhere specific to go.

24. You should tell somebody they're your best buddy.

25. You should have no reason to believe you won't be good at something new.

26. You should sit cross-legged on the floor while you watch TV.

27. You should do things because they sound crazy or fun, not because they sound important.

28. You should wear mismatching clothes and enjoy it.

29. You should laugh. A lot.

30. You should be as silly as you possibly can.

31. You should show your vulnerabilities.

32. You should show your fears.

33. You should share your food with someone you love.

34. You should call up a friend and ask if they can play.

35. You should ask for help with something you've been too prideful to ask for help with.

36. You should say the words hoe, coke, and blow without thinking dirty thoughts (thanks Tim McGraw for that one).

37. You should make a "pretty card" for somebody you love.

38. You should make a big mess and not clean it up.

39. You should stop thinking about the crap that happened yesterday.

40. You should also stop thinking about the crap that happened five minutes ago.

41. You should change your mind about something when you realize somebody else has a better way to do it.

42. You shouldn't listen when people tell you no.

43. You shouldn't listen when people tell you that you can't do something.

44. You should build a fort with blankets and chairs and then sleep in it.

45. You should giggle like crazy when you accidentally fart in public.

 
Sweet! This will be easy. I do most of those every day anyway. I have never been one to take the word "immature" as an insult! lol
 
 

Think About What You Think About - 1

"What I feared has come upon me" - Job 3:25 NIV

Nick was a tough guy with a bad outlook. He worked on the railways. One night after all his fellow workers had gone home he accidentally locked himself in a refrigerated carriage. Worried that the temperature was below freezing, he yelled for help, but to no avail. The more he thought about his situation the colder he felt, until eventually he started shivering uncontrollably. Convinced he was dying, he wrote a letter to his family outlining what had happened. The next morning they found Nick's body. An autopsy revealed that he had indeed frozen to death. But the investigators discovered something puzzling. The carriage in which Nick was trapped was out of order and had been disconnected. The night he froze to death the temperature in the boxcar was 16.1 degrees, just below room temperature. But because he expected to die, he lost the battle in his mind.

What you believe about your life is more important than what anyone else believes.

Job said, 'What I feared has come upon me.' Be careful what you anticipate; negative expectations become self-fulfilling prophecies. God has promised to help you, but you get the deciding vote. By focusing on the negative you're agreeing to let satan defeat you. Jesus said, '... "According to your faith will it be done for you"' (Matthew 9:29 NIV). Another translation puts it like this: '... "Become what you believe"... ' (TM).

So get into agreement with God's Word and focus on His promises instead of your problems. When you do, your faith will take you to new levels of victory. But it's up to you to take the first step!

I absolutely adore this one. We truly do become out thoughts. I am absolutely convinced of that...and if there is one thing that i have learned, it is that beauty really does come from within, and that is not just something that ugly people say! ;)

I have had the best day. I spent a few hours this afternoon doing mum's hair for her. Her and Graham are off on a trip to Aussie next week and we could not have her flitting off on an overseas trip with grey roots! Straightened it for her, and sent her on her way, looking lovely for some meeting that she was going to - that she tried to drag me to but i politely declined - about the foreshore and seabed stuff.

I grabbed the girls from school. They were super tired. It was Howick College's athletics day today - so if you saw a bunch of nutty looking kids dressed in bright colours with face paint all over them in Howick today, and wondered why - well now you know!

They saw my blog post about their bedroom. It did not get the reaction that i had hoped for / expected...i was hoping for horror and shame...instead i got laughter. However, the room is now clean so the end result was all good!

I got a phone call at about 5, advising me that i had been shortlisted for the job that i went on an interview last week for - i have a second interview on Thursday - so more stress! But good, positive stress!

On that note, i went for a run. It was a lovely evening out there, at dusk. What a fantastic way to end a fantastic day!

Shortlisted!

I have a SECOND interview on Thursday!!! Yiiipppppiieeeeee!



http://www.nataliedee.com/


ANOTHER step closer to the final step in fixing my life, and becoming a tax payer again! I wonder if i am the only person in the world that is excited at the thought of paying tax? haha

 D.Y.I.N.G. of gratitude and happiness right now. What a positive thing to happen. Even if i don't get it...it is such an encouraging sign to get through to a second interview!

Thank you God.

Maybe SHAME will work...

I was going to clean today, but after seeing the state of the girls' room this morning, i have decided not to bother.

Anyone keen to take bets on how long it will take after they get home this afternoon, to start screaming at me because they have no clean clothes? Or what they won't be able to find tomorrow morning, and how it will be all my fault?

ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!

I am looking at this like my karma coming back to me tenfold. I was a messy teenager - but messy to my mum was just leaving my bed unmade...which i usually did every day. I figure this is payback for never making my bed no matter how much my mum yelled, and just saying to her "What is the point when i just have to get in it again tonight?"

I am regretting that argument...right. About. Now.