Goodbye 2010...you were the happiest year of my life so far.
I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for me.
Happy New Year you lot...xxx
December 31, 2010
December 30, 2010
When God Shows Up
'...the Lord, whom you seek, will suddenly come...' Malachi 3:1 NKJV
I love this. It was sent to me like a week ago, and i didn't read it until this morning...when i needed it, i guess. I actually should have read it earlier, but better late than never.
Toys R Us commented the other night, about how he can't imagine me ever being involved in the things that i have recovered from. He said something to the effect that he has never known anyone who was involved in that life, who has done such a turn around, and gone to the exact opposite extreme, and recovered the way i have. I don't think he was saying this in a positive way...i think he found the fact that i don't want to get drunk every night, and the fact that he did, kind of annoying. He said he had "missed out on the fun me..." haha...i could not quite believe what i was hearing, and i don't think he would have thought i was that much fun this time 2 years ago, but there you go.
I know i have God to thank for the changes in me...and i find the new me, even during my down, and sad times, a lot more fun, and happy than the "fun me" ever was. I just have no desire whatsoever to drink, get drunk, or do any of the other addictive things that i used to find enjoyable - like shopping...at all. No desire at all. I know i could not have changed this much without His help.
I went to bed at like 6pm last night, and slept right through until about 8am this morning. I must have needed that. I must have been tired.
I think i am going to turn off my laptop, and my phone, and take a break from the world for a few days. I need a break from everyone, and everything. Who knows if i will be able to live without them. We shall see i guess!
Sometimes God shows up dramatically: like an unexpected cheque in the mail, a door suddenly opening, or the Lord protecting you from a situation that would otherwise destroy you. Other times He shows up quietly, replacing your anxiety with assurance, whispering, 'Fear not...I am with you...' (Isaiah 41:10 NKJV). And when those around you say, 'You're different today, what's changed?' you reply, 'I don't know, I just have peace about it.' That's because, '...the Lord, whom you seek, will suddenly come...'
Here are two Bible stories which illustrate this: The first story demonstrates how God intervenes in situations where you are misunderstood and mistreated. 'After they had been severely flogged...About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns...Suddenly...all the prison doors flew open...' Midnight prayers and songs of praise help you see beyond the problem, to God, the great problem-solver. By taking the focus off yourself and putting it on Him, your whole outlook begins to change.
The second story demonstrates how God intervenes when we are overwhelmed by the sheer size of the challenge. Faced with leading two million Israelites into the Promised Land, Moses prays, '...show me now Your way...' (Exodus 33:13 NKJV). And God replies, 'Here is a place by Me...I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand...'
When God tells you, 'Here is a place by Me,' get into it and stay there! Even when you can't see Him clearly, you'll feel His presence, experience His goodness, and know that everything is going to be OK.
I love this. It was sent to me like a week ago, and i didn't read it until this morning...when i needed it, i guess. I actually should have read it earlier, but better late than never.
Toys R Us commented the other night, about how he can't imagine me ever being involved in the things that i have recovered from. He said something to the effect that he has never known anyone who was involved in that life, who has done such a turn around, and gone to the exact opposite extreme, and recovered the way i have. I don't think he was saying this in a positive way...i think he found the fact that i don't want to get drunk every night, and the fact that he did, kind of annoying. He said he had "missed out on the fun me..." haha...i could not quite believe what i was hearing, and i don't think he would have thought i was that much fun this time 2 years ago, but there you go.
I know i have God to thank for the changes in me...and i find the new me, even during my down, and sad times, a lot more fun, and happy than the "fun me" ever was. I just have no desire whatsoever to drink, get drunk, or do any of the other addictive things that i used to find enjoyable - like shopping...at all. No desire at all. I know i could not have changed this much without His help.
I went to bed at like 6pm last night, and slept right through until about 8am this morning. I must have needed that. I must have been tired.
I think i am going to turn off my laptop, and my phone, and take a break from the world for a few days. I need a break from everyone, and everything. Who knows if i will be able to live without them. We shall see i guess!
December 29, 2010
The Heart Of Humanity | Sitting With Our Sadness
I think, after the last three years, i should be the most compassionate person in the world. O well.When we are dealing with sadness it is importantto really sit with it and have to courage to do so.
The last thing most of us want to hear or think about when we are dealing with profound feelings of sadness is that deep learning can be found in this place. In the midst of our pain, we often feel picked on by life, or overwhelmed by the enormity of some loss, or simply too exhausted to try and examine the situation. We may feel far too disappointed and angry to look for anything resembling a bright side to our suffering. Still, somewhere in our hearts, we know that we will eventually emerge from the depths into the light of greater awareness. Remembering this truth, no matter how elusive it seems, can help.
The other thing we often would rather not hear when we are dealing with intense sadness is that the only way out of it is through it. Sitting with our sadness takes the courage to believe that we can bear the pain and the faith that we will come out the other side. With courage, we can allow ourselves to cycle through the grieving process with full inner permission to experience it. This is a powerful teaching that sadness has to offer us the ability to surrender and the acceptance of change go hand in hand.
Another teaching of sadness is compassion for others who are in pain, because it is only in feeling our own pain that we can really understand and allow for someone else's. Sadness is something we all go through, and we all learn from it and are deepened by its presence in our lives. While our own individual experiences of sadness carry with them unique lessons, the implications of what we learn are universal. The wisdom we gain from going through the process of feeling loss, heartbreak, or deep disappointment gives us access to the heart of humanity.
I have no idea why this time of the year is so sad for me. I have been pretty fine, all year, and now these past couple of days, i have really struggled...am still struggling.
I just want the girls to come home, and for the holidays to be over.
Today is the Day
New Years is not a good time for me. I am trying to muster the motivation to jump in my car and head to Mount Maunganui to spend New Years with my best friend, Nicky and her partner Craig, and other friends that live down there...but i just can't seem to do it.
I'm just sitting here, on my bed, with my laptop, having a good old cry, and missing Danny. We used to spend every New Years down there together. I can't decide which is more depressing. Staying home by myself for New Years...or going down there without him.
I really loathe this time of the year.
I need to move. I need to listen to some happy music, and do something to take my mind off this, before i waste the last three days of 2010 sitting here crying, and feeling sorry for myself. This is ridiculous. Snap out of it Jackie.
It could be worse...It could be 2008.
I'm just sitting here, on my bed, with my laptop, having a good old cry, and missing Danny. We used to spend every New Years down there together. I can't decide which is more depressing. Staying home by myself for New Years...or going down there without him.
I really loathe this time of the year.
I need to move. I need to listen to some happy music, and do something to take my mind off this, before i waste the last three days of 2010 sitting here crying, and feeling sorry for myself. This is ridiculous. Snap out of it Jackie.
It could be worse...It could be 2008.
December 28, 2010
The Gift Inside | Life Packaging
Ugh...seriously....just ugh.We all have the same things going on in our lives;they are in essence the same gift, wrapped in a different ribbon.
We have all had the experience of encountering someone whose life seems so completely different from ours that we can almost imagine we have nothing in common. However, if we go deeper into observing, we will see that we all have the same things going on in our lives. It is as if our different lives are in essence the same gift, wrapped in an infinite variety of containers, wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows. Everybody experiences loss, grief, happiness, excitement, anger, and fear. Everyone can have money issues of one kind or another, and everyone struggles with difficult choices.
Our lives show up differently for each one of us because we each learn in different ways. One person may need to learn the value of money by having too little of it, while another may need to learn by having more than enough. We each learn about work and love, with experiences that are tailored to our particular perspective. Even as it appears that some people have it easy while others are in a continual state of struggle, the truth is that we are all learning, and it is very difficult to tell, when looking only at the exterior of a person, what's going on inside.
This is one of the many things that can be so valuable about cultivating relationships with people from all walks of life. As we get to know those who seem so different from us, we get to really see how much of life's challenges and joys are universal. We begin to look beyond the packaging of skin color, clothing preferences, and socioeconomic differences, hairstyles, and the cars we drive to the heart of the human experience. It is important to honor and value the differences in our packaging, but it is just as important to honor the gift of life inside each one of us, and the fact that, no matter how different the packaging, the gift inside is the same. ~ The Daily OM
Difficult People
Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That does not mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel immense relief when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care in a way that takes reality into account.
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms - taking care of ourselves and our needs into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We may get angry, we may feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become free.
This is the heart of detaching in love.
Today, i will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.
My goodness, i have needed this message these past few days.
I have been STUPID. I let Toys R US worm his way back into my life. When things ended last time, it was all good. I did not hear from him for a week or so...and that was all good. Then i start getting text messages from him telling me how sorry he is. Telling me how nice and genuine i am, and how he did not mean to "fight me away." Telling me how much he misses me.
I ignored the messages for a few days...but then i guess i found myself at a weak moment? Maybe a lonely moment? Maybe, an "I don't want to spend this time of the year alone..." moment? Who knows, but i replied to him.
It has taken three days, for it to be making me feel unhappy again. Actually, it was two...i was feeling pretty crappy about it yesterday. I was actually feeling worse about it yesterday, because the whole situation had made me feel so sad, and lonely, and like i will never find anything, or anyone who is happy, normal, healthy, loving, has table manners, and who can control his indigestion again! Honestly, was Hurricane Belch, really necessary?
It made me miss Danny again, and what we had before things went to crap. I HATE missing Danny. It is the WORST feeling in the world...and disappointments like this, always make me miss him, and wonder if i will ever feel about anyone again, the way that i felt about him.
Anyway...spent the evening with Mr. Toys, again last night, and i am glad i did. He said and did more things that just made me realise it is not right. I like him, but i deserve and will find better. He is who he is, and that person is just not right for me. Seeing him again last night, has made it easier to let it go again, without feeling sad.
I would rather be alone, than with someone that i want to change. I guess for now, i am back to being one bad relationship away from owning 30 cats.
O well. Sh*t happens. Letting go is easy for me, these days. Nothing hurts, after Danny. Literally...nothing hurts me anymore. It is almost a blessing.
December 27, 2010
Complicated
Ugh...WHY? Do things have to be complicated?
I am one bad relationship away from owning 30 cats. Nixon is going to love it.
December 26, 2010
Christmas is about - Christ
'...they saw the young child...and fell down, and worshipped him...' Matthew 2:11 NKJV
I had the best Christmas Day that i could have asked for, in the end! I was lucky enough to get a huge sleep in. I slept in until about noon! Then my friend, Debbie and the rest of her family included me in their afternoon festivities. I had a very yummy lunch, thanks to her Dad's BBQing skills. Then i headed home for a bit of a rest, while i waited for the kids to contact me.
I was dreading going to my Mum and Graham's place for dinner. I just thought it was going to be awkward, and not that much fun. The last Christmas that i spent with them was in 2005. I even tried to get out of it, but the girls wouldn't let me back out.
I am so so SO glad that they didn't let me back out. I had an absolutely wonderful time with Mum and Graham, the kids, and Nixon yesterday. It was so awesome. It was not uncomfortable, or awkward, after not seeing them in so many years. It was just so awesome to spend the holiday with family again. We laughed a lot, and i had forgotten how much i miss their big, huge, dinners. They are the MEAN cooks.
Hopefully, we are well and truly on our way to forgiveness, putting the past behind us, and being a family again.
He was born in the humblest of settings, yet Heaven above was filled with the songs of angels. His birthplace was a cattle shed, yet a star brought the rich and noble from thousands of kilometres away to worship Him. His birth was contrary to the laws of life and His death was contrary to the laws of death, yet no miracle is greater than His birth, His life, His death, His resurrection and His teachings.
He had no cornfields or fisheries, yet He spread a table for 5,000 and had bread and fish to spare. He never stood on expensive carpeting, yet He walked on the waters and they supported Him. His crucifixion was the crime of crimes, yet from God's perspective no less a price could have made possible our redemption. When He died, few mourned His passing, yet God hung a black cape over the sun.
Those who crucified Him did not tremble at what they'd done, yet the earth shook under them. Sin never touched Him. Corruption could not get hold of His body. The soil that was reddened with His blood could not claim His dust. For over three years He preached the Gospel. He wrote no book, He had no headquarters and He built no organisation. Yet two thousand years later He's the central figure of human history, the perpetual theme of all preaching, the pivot around which the ages revolve, and the only redeemer of the human race.
At this season of celebration and gift-giving, let's join the wise men who '...fell down and worshipped him...' (Matthew 2:11 NKJV). Let's remember, Christmas is about - Christ!
I had the best Christmas Day that i could have asked for, in the end! I was lucky enough to get a huge sleep in. I slept in until about noon! Then my friend, Debbie and the rest of her family included me in their afternoon festivities. I had a very yummy lunch, thanks to her Dad's BBQing skills. Then i headed home for a bit of a rest, while i waited for the kids to contact me.
I was dreading going to my Mum and Graham's place for dinner. I just thought it was going to be awkward, and not that much fun. The last Christmas that i spent with them was in 2005. I even tried to get out of it, but the girls wouldn't let me back out.
I am so so SO glad that they didn't let me back out. I had an absolutely wonderful time with Mum and Graham, the kids, and Nixon yesterday. It was so awesome. It was not uncomfortable, or awkward, after not seeing them in so many years. It was just so awesome to spend the holiday with family again. We laughed a lot, and i had forgotten how much i miss their big, huge, dinners. They are the MEAN cooks.
Hopefully, we are well and truly on our way to forgiveness, putting the past behind us, and being a family again.
 |
| Jorgia, Me, Nicole, and Billy...Christmas Day 2010 |
December 25, 2010
The Christmas Story | The Story of the Birth of Jesus
The Christmas Story, the story of the birth of Jesus
Merry Christmas you lot. xxx
Now back to sleep for me!
The story of the Birth of Christ JesusAs found in the Holy Bible, in the book of Luke.
"About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was the governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's hometown, for the census. As a decendant of David he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancee, who was pregnant.
While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped Him in a blanket and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the hostel.
There were shepherds camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises: "Glory to God in the heavenly heights; Peace to all men and women on earth who please Him."
As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the shepherds talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the shepherds were impressed.
Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The shepherds returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!" (Luke 2:1-20).
It was a simple scene that first Christmas – a rough room, a young couple and nothing but a feeding trough to put the child in. It was probably quite cold and with family far away there was little help. Not exactly the Hallmark moment we like to show in Christmas pageants. And yet this rustic scene marked the greatest event in the history of mankind.
God's Son became human and came to earth to save us. God had promised to send a Messiah, one who would save His people. He could have easily burst on the scene as a full grown man, a seven foot warrior with fiery eyes and arms of steel. This was what many people were looking for, but it wasn't how God did it. He arrived in the arms of a young girl. He was, as another of our authors put it, "a very small package, wrapped in rags, given from the heart of God. The perfect gift."
God gave His only Son to die in our place so that we, in all our brokenness, could know forgiveness. He came so that we could know what love feels like, real love – love that never leaves, love that never disappoints, love that is never betrayed. He sent His Son into a corrupted world to bring us hope.
Merry Christmas you lot. xxx
Now back to sleep for me!
December 24, 2010
Getting Through the Holidays
For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss.
We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can't figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like.
Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don't want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don't have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all.
Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays.
Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.
One of the greatest gifts is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays as there are those who feel at peace. We are learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves, a little better each holiday season.
During the holidays we can learn to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It's all ok.
There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time.
This holiday season, i will give myself permission to take care of myself.
I am feeling a little bit lonely, and i guess i would like to be spending this evening with someone special, and with my family...laughing, and having fun. I am though, all too aware that there are people out there that are a lot worse off than i am tonight. I hope they realise that they are not alone. Not everyone enjoys the holiday season. I never used to understand, how people could not love it. Now i do.
I made myself an awesome salad, and had it with some ham and fresh bread for dinner. Nixon got to eat some of the doggie treats that i bought him for his Christmas present. We ate our dinners in front of the news...then i tidied up, while Nixon got under my feet the whole time, by following me around, in front of me. He annoys me SO MUCH how he tries to follow me, but gets in front of me while he does it...but...I still love him! ha
Made myself a coffee, grabbed some books, and now i think we will just relax in bed for the rest of the evening. For some reason, i have a mean headache.
27 hours and 28 minutes until it is all over .... for another year! ;)
Do the Numbers - 1
'...seventy...or...eighty years...pass quickly...' Psalm 90:10 NCV
I have spent the day with the kids today. Well, as much as one can spend a day with teenagers anyway.
Billy has been in his room on the xbox most of the day. It amazes me how he doesn't hear me when i yell out for him to take the rubbish out...but he hears me the first time, when i yell out that his hotdogs are ready. Ahhhh gotta love him!
Jorgia came back from a friend's place yesterday, not feeling all that well. She slept most of yesterday, then today woke up absolutely covered, head to toe in a rash. It cost me $50 bucks to take her to see Dr. Lee, for him to tell us it is most likely viral, and to prescribe antihistamines to help with the itching . It was all worth it, just to see the grossed out look on her face when i reminded her that Dr. Lee has known her since i was pushing her out! haha...i am going to remember how entertaining that was, next time i am bored, and require entertaining.
Nicole. Ahhh lovely Nicole. She sat on Facebook all day, and kept telling me "IN A MINUTE!" every time i asked her to make her bed. She has now gone...and her bed is still unmade.
Teenagers!
That was my Christmas Eve...well the part of it that i spent with the kids anyway. I am rather happy to have my home to myself for the night. I am happy to announce that i won't actually be spending Christmas Day alone after all. I have had tons of people invite me to all sorts of places! It has been fantastic...i have been invited down to Papamoa to spend Christmas with Nicky and Craig. I have been invited to Tairua, to spend it with someone else...a BOY, and his friends...my friend Debbie has invited me over to her parents' place tomorrow...and Fred, has invited me over for Christmas dinner.
So in the end...i was not short on things to do or people that i could have spent Christmas with. It has been nice to know that, and just reminds me of how much has changed since that very lonely Christmas in 2008. I am so blessed.
So i am going to enjoy a night to myself tonight...just me and Nixon, and then tomorrow i am going to hang out with Debbie and her family...and then for the first time in 4 years, i think i will visit my mother, with the kids, for Christmas dinner. The offers to get out of Auckland for a week or so, were very, very tempting, but that would have meant that i would not have seen the girls, on Christmas Day, or before they go away for two weeks with Nick. Could not have that! I will leave Auckland next week!
For now though, my house is peaceful, and i am happy knowing that i get to sleep in on Christmas Day!
It's now about 30 hours till this whole stressful time, is over, for another year. Yay for that.
Our souls aren't hungry for fame, comfort, wealth or power. Those things create as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning. We want our lives to matter. The Psalmist writes, 'Our lifetime is seventy years or, if we are strong, eighty...' Eighty years is just under 30,000 days.
Think about that in financial terms: $30,000 will buy you a car or make a good deposit on a house. It's not that much money–and it's not that much time. None of us knows how many years we've left, but we know how many we've been given until now. If you were to draw a line and add them up, eternally speaking, what would you have to show for your life? Job said, 'My days fly faster than a weaver's shuttle...' (Job 7:6 NLT); '...they flee away...' (Job 9:25 NAS).
Bryan Wilkerson says: 'Teens count the number of friends they have, the number of colleges they get into. College students count grade points...credit hours...how many beers they can drink...Adults measure success by the number of bedrooms in their house, cars in the garage...or the yield on their investments.
Most make two mistakes...they think they've so much [time] they can afford to waste it, or so little time they can't possibly do something significant, so they don't try. Our days are like suitcases–all the same size–but some can pack more into them than others. "A person who chases fantasies has no sense" (Proverbs 12:11 NLT). Numbering your days means offering them to God and seeking His direction for your life.'
I have spent the day with the kids today. Well, as much as one can spend a day with teenagers anyway.
Billy has been in his room on the xbox most of the day. It amazes me how he doesn't hear me when i yell out for him to take the rubbish out...but he hears me the first time, when i yell out that his hotdogs are ready. Ahhhh gotta love him!
Jorgia came back from a friend's place yesterday, not feeling all that well. She slept most of yesterday, then today woke up absolutely covered, head to toe in a rash. It cost me $50 bucks to take her to see Dr. Lee, for him to tell us it is most likely viral, and to prescribe antihistamines to help with the itching . It was all worth it, just to see the grossed out look on her face when i reminded her that Dr. Lee has known her since i was pushing her out! haha...i am going to remember how entertaining that was, next time i am bored, and require entertaining.
Nicole. Ahhh lovely Nicole. She sat on Facebook all day, and kept telling me "IN A MINUTE!" every time i asked her to make her bed. She has now gone...and her bed is still unmade.
Teenagers!
That was my Christmas Eve...well the part of it that i spent with the kids anyway. I am rather happy to have my home to myself for the night. I am happy to announce that i won't actually be spending Christmas Day alone after all. I have had tons of people invite me to all sorts of places! It has been fantastic...i have been invited down to Papamoa to spend Christmas with Nicky and Craig. I have been invited to Tairua, to spend it with someone else...a BOY, and his friends...my friend Debbie has invited me over to her parents' place tomorrow...and Fred, has invited me over for Christmas dinner.
So in the end...i was not short on things to do or people that i could have spent Christmas with. It has been nice to know that, and just reminds me of how much has changed since that very lonely Christmas in 2008. I am so blessed.
So i am going to enjoy a night to myself tonight...just me and Nixon, and then tomorrow i am going to hang out with Debbie and her family...and then for the first time in 4 years, i think i will visit my mother, with the kids, for Christmas dinner. The offers to get out of Auckland for a week or so, were very, very tempting, but that would have meant that i would not have seen the girls, on Christmas Day, or before they go away for two weeks with Nick. Could not have that! I will leave Auckland next week!
For now though, my house is peaceful, and i am happy knowing that i get to sleep in on Christmas Day!
It's now about 30 hours till this whole stressful time, is over, for another year. Yay for that.
December 23, 2010
Permission to Forgive Ourselves | Releasing Guilt
Wow...that might as well have begun with ..."Dear Jackie" !!!Guilt is temporary and unproductive,it is all too ironic that being hard on ourselves is the easy way out.
Learning to accept the things that we perceive as wrong can be a difficult task for many of us. Often we have been brought up to accept that it is normal to feel guilty about our actions and that by doing so we will make everything seem alright within ourselves. Even though we might feel that we have a reason to make up for the choices we have made, it is much more important for us to learn how to deal with them in a healthy and positive way, such as through forgiveness and understanding.
When we can look back at our past and really assess what has happened, we begin to realize that there are many dimensions to our actions. While feeling guilty might assuage our feelings at first, it is really only a short-term solution. It is all too ironic that being hard on ourselves is the easy way out. If we truly are able to gaze upon our lives through the lens of compassion, however, we will be able to see that there is much more to what we do and have done than we realize. Perhaps we were simply trying to protect ourselves or others and did the best we could at the time, or maybe we thought we had no other recourse and chose a solution in the heat of the moment. Once we can understand that dwelling in our negative feelings will only make us feel worse, we will come to recognize that it is really only through forgiving ourselves that we can transform our feelings and truly heal any resentment we have about our past.
Giving ourselves permission to feel at peace with our past actions is one of the most positive steps we can take toward living a life free from regrets, disappointments, and guilt. The more we are able to remind ourselves that the true path to a peaceful mind and heart is through acceptance of every part of our lives and actions, the more harmony and inner joy we will experience in all aspects of our lives. ~ The Daily OM
I have spent the past 18 months, trying to live with, and manage the guilt that i feel, for all the bad choices, awful mistakes, everything that happened / went wrong with Danny, and our marriage, and the terrible example that i set for the kids. In fact, that was all that my counselling at CADS focused on. I did not need their drug or alcohol services...i needed advice regarding dealing with my guilt.
Perhaps a change in this thought process, is something that i can focus on in 2011. New Years resolution number two! Number one is to quit smoking...AGAIN!
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| For every uncomfortable soul |
1000 fatal crashes, 1 warning
1000 fatal crashes, 1 warning - National - NZ Herald News
Wow - I knew Stu years ago. Back when i was studying a Bachelor of Health Science in nursing, and wanted to be a nurse. Long before my life went to crap haha...I used to be able to listen to him talk for ages, because he had such interesting and shocking stories to tell. I used to think he had the most interesting job. He always promised to take me out with him on one of his call outs, to see if i felt the same way, after seeing what his job entailed. We never got around to doing that though...and lost touch.
He is a lovely man though. It's sad to see the job has taken a toll on his health. I know he didn't have that much grey hair last time i saw him! haha Here's hoping he has a fantastic retirement!
I hope all my friends and family read his message, head his warning, and have a very happy and SAFE holiday this Christmas and New Years.
"After 28 years, people can bring me a photo of a crash scene and I can tell them when and where it was. They never leave you. People still have the view that crashes are accidents. There is no such thing as an accident ... It's not an act of God." - Stu Kearns
Wow - I knew Stu years ago. Back when i was studying a Bachelor of Health Science in nursing, and wanted to be a nurse. Long before my life went to crap haha...I used to be able to listen to him talk for ages, because he had such interesting and shocking stories to tell. I used to think he had the most interesting job. He always promised to take me out with him on one of his call outs, to see if i felt the same way, after seeing what his job entailed. We never got around to doing that though...and lost touch.
He is a lovely man though. It's sad to see the job has taken a toll on his health. I know he didn't have that much grey hair last time i saw him! haha Here's hoping he has a fantastic retirement!
I hope all my friends and family read his message, head his warning, and have a very happy and SAFE holiday this Christmas and New Years.
Lets Get Specific
'...established in the faith...abounding in it...' Colossians 2:7 NKJV
Since this landed in my inbox on Tuesday, i am thinking God was telling me that i shouldn't call people that annoy me "dickheads"... ;)
One more sleep until Christmas Eve. I have all of the kids for the night tonight, and then they go back to Nick's tomorrow night, and will spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day with Nick and his family. I always let them do this. I guess because it is just me here, and no other family to spend this special time with, i don't think it is fair to make them spend it with me. They have a whole lot of family on Nick's side...and then just me. Hardly seems right to force them to hang out here with me.
So off they will go, and i will spend Christmas alone for the third year in a row. I don't really mind. I spent years, spending Christmas and Boxing Day, in traffic, travelling all over Auckland and Whangaparaoa to visit people that were drunk, and didn't like me anyway...so in that respect, i would rather be home alone anyway. Thinking about ever having to spend Christmas like that again, just makes me cherish being single. On the other hand...spending it alone makes me really miss my family in America, and being able to have a white Christmas with them.
O well. No Christmas will ever be as bad, or as lonely, as the one that i spent at that apartment in Mt Eden. The kids will come back to me in the evening...and at least i have Nixon! That reminds me, i better get him a little present.
Addressing the Colossian believers about their lifestyle, Paul writes: 'As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it...' (Colossians 2:6-7 NKJV).
In the third and fourth chapters Paul gets specific. In The Message, Eugene Peterson paraphrases His words: 'Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other...None of this going off and doing your own thing...
Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honour the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them. Children, do what your parents tell you. This delights the Master no end. Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits. Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance...Being Christian doesn't cover up bad work...masters, treat your servants considerately. Be fair with them. Don't forget for a minute that you, too, serve a Master–God in Heaven.
Pray diligently. Stay alert, with your eyes wide open...Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don't miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others...' (Colossians 3:15-25 4:1-6 TM).
Now, let's get specific; what is God saying to you through these Scriptures?
Since this landed in my inbox on Tuesday, i am thinking God was telling me that i shouldn't call people that annoy me "dickheads"... ;)
One more sleep until Christmas Eve. I have all of the kids for the night tonight, and then they go back to Nick's tomorrow night, and will spend Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day with Nick and his family. I always let them do this. I guess because it is just me here, and no other family to spend this special time with, i don't think it is fair to make them spend it with me. They have a whole lot of family on Nick's side...and then just me. Hardly seems right to force them to hang out here with me.
So off they will go, and i will spend Christmas alone for the third year in a row. I don't really mind. I spent years, spending Christmas and Boxing Day, in traffic, travelling all over Auckland and Whangaparaoa to visit people that were drunk, and didn't like me anyway...so in that respect, i would rather be home alone anyway. Thinking about ever having to spend Christmas like that again, just makes me cherish being single. On the other hand...spending it alone makes me really miss my family in America, and being able to have a white Christmas with them.
O well. No Christmas will ever be as bad, or as lonely, as the one that i spent at that apartment in Mt Eden. The kids will come back to me in the evening...and at least i have Nixon! That reminds me, i better get him a little present.
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| Sometimes we all need a reminder... |
December 22, 2010
No Need For Blogging Revenge
...on Aidan at VTNZ.
I managed to get my drivers license renewed today. After 13 months of driving on an expired license, and only realising this fact, when i got pulled over on my way home from my last visit to Wanganui, and receiving a $400 fine for driving without a license, because my license had been in my wallet when it was stolen by a crackie...i am now a legal driver again!
I remember, back in the bad old days, saying to Dan, the policeman, that officially, i did not exist. My bank accounts had been closed because i had not used them in 6 months, or something. My passport was expired. My drivers license had been stolen. I had no valid ID, and no bank account. I remember it being such a mission, almost too much of a mission, when i disappeared from that world, to apply for the sickness benefit because i had no valid ID and no bank account for the money to go into.
Officially, on paper, i pretty much, did not exist. Weird huh? Anyway...i exist again these days, and i was so happy to be driving without the fear of being pulled over, and having my car impounded, that i went over the speed limit...just for a little while, this afternoon. ;)
Oh yeah...and Aidan and i made amends. I apologised for calling him a dickhead, we were nice to each other, and even wished each other a Merry Christmas.
The girls are both at friend's houses for the night. Billy has a mate over, and the X BOX has taken over my lounge. I have locked myself away in my room, and am going to have an early night. Up at 6am for our morning run. I have had HEAPS more energy this week...the hypochondriac in me suddenly has sore joints though! haha
Today...was much better.
I managed to get my drivers license renewed today. After 13 months of driving on an expired license, and only realising this fact, when i got pulled over on my way home from my last visit to Wanganui, and receiving a $400 fine for driving without a license, because my license had been in my wallet when it was stolen by a crackie...i am now a legal driver again!
I remember, back in the bad old days, saying to Dan, the policeman, that officially, i did not exist. My bank accounts had been closed because i had not used them in 6 months, or something. My passport was expired. My drivers license had been stolen. I had no valid ID, and no bank account. I remember it being such a mission, almost too much of a mission, when i disappeared from that world, to apply for the sickness benefit because i had no valid ID and no bank account for the money to go into.
Officially, on paper, i pretty much, did not exist. Weird huh? Anyway...i exist again these days, and i was so happy to be driving without the fear of being pulled over, and having my car impounded, that i went over the speed limit...just for a little while, this afternoon. ;)
Oh yeah...and Aidan and i made amends. I apologised for calling him a dickhead, we were nice to each other, and even wished each other a Merry Christmas.
The girls are both at friend's houses for the night. Billy has a mate over, and the X BOX has taken over my lounge. I have locked myself away in my room, and am going to have an early night. Up at 6am for our morning run. I have had HEAPS more energy this week...the hypochondriac in me suddenly has sore joints though! haha
Today...was much better.
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| Just cause this is so darn cute! |
Facebook Stupidity
Haha...this reminds me of how everyone changed their profile photos to cartoon characters to cure child abuse!
Life Will Test You - 3
'...God has come to test you...' Exodus 20:20 NKJV
I have been a bit grumpy the past couple of days. I think that life has sent me Aiden at the East Tamaki VTNZ to test me! I have been in there 3 times since Monday, in an attempt to renew my driver's license before i get pulled over again, arrested, and my car gets impounded.
My first attempt resulted in Aiden sending me away because if i wanted the name on my license changed from Baillie back to Sperling, i not only needed to provide proof that my name is Sperling, but i also needed to provide proof that it was changed to Baillie. Apparently, my name being Baillie in their computer system is not proof enough, that at one point in time i provided them with a marriage certificate. So, off back home, i was sent to find the marriage certificate.
Not only was that something that i really did not feel like looking at, it was also something that i had no idea where it might be. I ended up spending hours tearing my home upside down, looking for it. It was not in any of the normal places, or files that i keep documents like birth certificates, and passports.
I found it, in the end, in a diary that i started keeping when Danny and i first separated. The diary is full of sadness, and downright desolate despair...it is also where i kept track of all my bookings, money, bills, and comments about people that i had met, phone numbers etc...Of course i could not help flicking through it and reading some of it. Whoa, it brought back some memories. I am still deciding how i feel after reading it. The last entry was on the day of my arrest, and just says Jackie / Tania / Police. I think that is because, that was when i gave up completely, and no longer cared about anything. Tania is a woman that was at my apartment when the police turned up.
Anyway, shoved the diary back where i found it...at the back of the hall closet, late Monday night, and tried to look on the bright side. I had managed to clean my house from top to bottom, and threw out lots of rubbish, while hunting for that meaningless bit of paper, that Aiden said he needed.
Yesterday morning, i went back to VTNZ...to get my license. Not. So. Much. Aiden seemed to take great joy, in sending me away again. Apparently, due to the lazy eye that i have lived with since i was about 8 years old, i needed a certificate from an optometrist. Never mind that i have been driving with that condition for the past 25 years...gosh that makes me sound old...lets say 15 years shall we? and never had an accident (knock on wood) ...i still needed a certificate saying that my sight was OK.
I understand this. Fine. But by now i am getting frustrated because Aiden is an asshole. Excuse my language...but he is. He clearly hates his job, and is a sarcastic and unhelpful shithead, who seems to purposely push my buttons with his hideous attitude. Add to the fact that every time i drive away from there without my license, i am risking another visit to those hideous cells (once is more than enough thank you) and i am getting more frustrated by the minute. I also find it amusing that i pull up there, and drive away from there every time, and hideous Aiden knows i don't have a license, and not once has he advised me that i shouldn't be driving.
I don't like Aiden.
So yesterday afternoon, i spend $80 bucks, that i don't really have extra at the moment, for 5 minutes with the nice man at OPSM in Botany Downs. If you need an eye exam, Samuel at OPSM in Botany is a lovely, friendly optometrist. I get my certificate, saying i am sweet to get my license, and i race back to VTNZ, knowing that they close at 4, and thankful that i have made it in time.
The doors are still open. I race to the counter, because i am aware that according to Telecom and my phone, the time is 3:57. Aiden advises me that it is 4pm and they are closed. I attempt to argue with him and tell him it is not yet 4pm...and he points to their silly wall clock that looks like something out of a That 70s Show episode, and tells me that it is 4pm.
I tell him he is "such a dickhead" as i walk back out the door. My bad...but holy cow was Aiden testing me. No excuse. I realise this...but i REALLY don't like Aiden at VTNZ in East Tamaki. He is a hideous, little worm of a man, who is obviously miserable in his job, and needs to think about finding a job that he enjoys.
I arrived back home, in Bucklands Beach, from East Tamaki, in a record time of like 7 minutes, apparently. My computer said 4:12 when i got back home, which means if it was already 4 when i arrived at VTNZ, and by the time i left, after arguing with Aiden it would have been 5 past, so i made it all the way along Te Irangi drive, Botany Rd, Cascades Rd, Aviemore Dr, Bucklands Beach Rd...and home...in Christmas traffic in a record time of 7 minutes....if you believe AIDEN. Boy...lucky there were no cops around!
I arrived home, to a package that a friend of mine, who i met while out for dinner with Laws one night, and who has turned into one of the amazing blessings that i have taken away from that horrible experience. It is an amazing, and inspirational book called "Monday Musings" by Niki Gunning... and full of the beautiful artwork of my friend - Julie Greig Zyzalo. What a treasure Julie is to have in my new life.
That book arrived, just when i needed to read inspiring messages about positive change most! It's not every day that i feel frustrated enough to call someone a "dickhead" these days, so thank you Julie! I will spend an hour or so, reading this book again this morning, just to make sure i am in the most positive mood possible, when i return to face the dreaded Aiden this morning. I am looking on the bright side...i don't think he will be able to find any more excuses not to give me my license. Not sure i trust him to take my new photo though! I have to look at that thing for the next ten years.
I will be back later...to let you know how i got on! If Aiden is a hideous little worm again today, i might just get a photo of him, and take blogging revenge on him. haha
Do you remember your school days? When you were being tested the teacher was silent. The Bible says: '...Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of Him...When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and...He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night [just before the dawn] He went out to them, walking on the lake...They cried out, because they...were terrified. Immediately He spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Then He climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed' (Mark 6:45-51 NIV).The darkest hour is just before the dawn. Isn't that just the truth? Well it was in my case.
This story teaches that:
(1) Being in the will of God requires you to go through storms. 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivers [them] out of them all' (Psalm 34:19 NKJV).
(2) When you can't see Him, His eye is still on you. You are never out of His sight, His care or His reach.
(3) He will never give you an assignment you can complete without His help, so don't try it alone.
(4) If you let it, fear will cloud your thinking and keep you from recognising Him when He comes to you.
(5) First He will speak to you, then to the circumstances that threaten you. When He does, you'll experience supernatural peace.
(6) When your boat is 'in the middle' of the storm, the best is yet to come!
(7) The darkest hour is just before the dawn. Rejoice! The sun will shine again; God won't fail you.
I have been a bit grumpy the past couple of days. I think that life has sent me Aiden at the East Tamaki VTNZ to test me! I have been in there 3 times since Monday, in an attempt to renew my driver's license before i get pulled over again, arrested, and my car gets impounded.
My first attempt resulted in Aiden sending me away because if i wanted the name on my license changed from Baillie back to Sperling, i not only needed to provide proof that my name is Sperling, but i also needed to provide proof that it was changed to Baillie. Apparently, my name being Baillie in their computer system is not proof enough, that at one point in time i provided them with a marriage certificate. So, off back home, i was sent to find the marriage certificate.
Not only was that something that i really did not feel like looking at, it was also something that i had no idea where it might be. I ended up spending hours tearing my home upside down, looking for it. It was not in any of the normal places, or files that i keep documents like birth certificates, and passports.
I found it, in the end, in a diary that i started keeping when Danny and i first separated. The diary is full of sadness, and downright desolate despair...it is also where i kept track of all my bookings, money, bills, and comments about people that i had met, phone numbers etc...Of course i could not help flicking through it and reading some of it. Whoa, it brought back some memories. I am still deciding how i feel after reading it. The last entry was on the day of my arrest, and just says Jackie / Tania / Police. I think that is because, that was when i gave up completely, and no longer cared about anything. Tania is a woman that was at my apartment when the police turned up.
Anyway, shoved the diary back where i found it...at the back of the hall closet, late Monday night, and tried to look on the bright side. I had managed to clean my house from top to bottom, and threw out lots of rubbish, while hunting for that meaningless bit of paper, that Aiden said he needed.
Yesterday morning, i went back to VTNZ...to get my license. Not. So. Much. Aiden seemed to take great joy, in sending me away again. Apparently, due to the lazy eye that i have lived with since i was about 8 years old, i needed a certificate from an optometrist. Never mind that i have been driving with that condition for the past 25 years...gosh that makes me sound old...lets say 15 years shall we? and never had an accident (knock on wood) ...i still needed a certificate saying that my sight was OK.
I understand this. Fine. But by now i am getting frustrated because Aiden is an asshole. Excuse my language...but he is. He clearly hates his job, and is a sarcastic and unhelpful shithead, who seems to purposely push my buttons with his hideous attitude. Add to the fact that every time i drive away from there without my license, i am risking another visit to those hideous cells (once is more than enough thank you) and i am getting more frustrated by the minute. I also find it amusing that i pull up there, and drive away from there every time, and hideous Aiden knows i don't have a license, and not once has he advised me that i shouldn't be driving.
I don't like Aiden.
So yesterday afternoon, i spend $80 bucks, that i don't really have extra at the moment, for 5 minutes with the nice man at OPSM in Botany Downs. If you need an eye exam, Samuel at OPSM in Botany is a lovely, friendly optometrist. I get my certificate, saying i am sweet to get my license, and i race back to VTNZ, knowing that they close at 4, and thankful that i have made it in time.
The doors are still open. I race to the counter, because i am aware that according to Telecom and my phone, the time is 3:57. Aiden advises me that it is 4pm and they are closed. I attempt to argue with him and tell him it is not yet 4pm...and he points to their silly wall clock that looks like something out of a That 70s Show episode, and tells me that it is 4pm.
I tell him he is "such a dickhead" as i walk back out the door. My bad...but holy cow was Aiden testing me. No excuse. I realise this...but i REALLY don't like Aiden at VTNZ in East Tamaki. He is a hideous, little worm of a man, who is obviously miserable in his job, and needs to think about finding a job that he enjoys.
I arrived back home, in Bucklands Beach, from East Tamaki, in a record time of like 7 minutes, apparently. My computer said 4:12 when i got back home, which means if it was already 4 when i arrived at VTNZ, and by the time i left, after arguing with Aiden it would have been 5 past, so i made it all the way along Te Irangi drive, Botany Rd, Cascades Rd, Aviemore Dr, Bucklands Beach Rd...and home...in Christmas traffic in a record time of 7 minutes....if you believe AIDEN. Boy...lucky there were no cops around!
I arrived home, to a package that a friend of mine, who i met while out for dinner with Laws one night, and who has turned into one of the amazing blessings that i have taken away from that horrible experience. It is an amazing, and inspirational book called "Monday Musings" by Niki Gunning... and full of the beautiful artwork of my friend - Julie Greig Zyzalo. What a treasure Julie is to have in my new life.
That book arrived, just when i needed to read inspiring messages about positive change most! It's not every day that i feel frustrated enough to call someone a "dickhead" these days, so thank you Julie! I will spend an hour or so, reading this book again this morning, just to make sure i am in the most positive mood possible, when i return to face the dreaded Aiden this morning. I am looking on the bright side...i don't think he will be able to find any more excuses not to give me my license. Not sure i trust him to take my new photo though! I have to look at that thing for the next ten years.
I will be back later...to let you know how i got on! If Aiden is a hideous little worm again today, i might just get a photo of him, and take blogging revenge on him. haha
December 21, 2010
Merry Christmas from the King Cobras
Gang man's Facebook message from jail - National - NZ Herald News
King Cobras are the worst scum that i have ever come across. It was thanks to one of them trying to bash down my door, AFTER stealing my wallet with nearly a thousand dollars in it, that i met my friend Dan, the policeman.
Everything happens for a reason. Dan ended up being my only real friend at the time, and helped save my life.
King Cobras are not known to be the sharpest tools in the shed, and i guess the particular one that i had a run in with, didn't expect me to dial 111, while he was trying to bash my door in, to get the cell phone back that he needed to do all his drug deals, that he left on my couch before swiping my wallet on his way out the door.
I hope he is in prison with this moron. I cannot BELIEVE though, that prisoners are able to update their Facebook status, with smuggled phones, while in prison. I was told ages ago, that Mt Eden prison had put in some kind of cell phone coverage block so that phones would not work from inside, even if they did successfully manage to get smuggled in. I wonder what happened to that?
Anyway, here is a little tip for all you King Cobra gang members out there - and any other gang members out there that have the FTP attitude - STOP BEAKING THE LAW AND THEN YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE POLICE BUGGING YOU.
Merry Christmas back...morons.
A patched King Cobra gangster in jail on firearms charges has been posting messages on Facebook from his cell.Lovely. Gang members can now get wifi in prison.
Daniel Vae, 32, was on the run and considered by police to be armed and dangerous, unpredictable and high on P before his arrest in July.
Detectives found a silenced semi-automatic handgun, an illegally imported 50,000-volt Taser, a bulletproof vest, methamphetamine gear and his gang patch at his Mt Roskill home.
The semi-automatic pistol was "chopped down" from a 5.56 semi-automatic rifle.
Vae has since pleaded guilty to possession of the taser and firearm and will be sentenced in February.
He is in custody and shares a Mt Eden prison cell with a KC associate, who uses a cellphone to update his Facebook page, with messages from "Danny V".
A photo on Facebook shows Vae making a gang sign while holding bourbon and cigarettes.
One post is a rap rhyme, another an expletive-laden rant against the police.
"Danny V sez f#*k u all, shootem up matherfu#*kaz F.T.P lol ..."
Police fear that a turf war between gangs, Asian organised crime and street dealers could result in spilled blood, as criminals increasingly arm themselves in a bid to control Auckland's drug trade.
Vae became a police target because it was believed he was "taxing" rival methamphetamine dealers selling drugs near the King Cobra headquarters in Ponsonby.
The Facebook revelations come soon after two prison guards were charged with smuggling drugs, phones and cigarettes to inmates last week.
The pair, aged 31 and 33, were arrested after a joint operation between the Corrections Department and police.
They appeared in court and were given name suppression.
King Cobras are the worst scum that i have ever come across. It was thanks to one of them trying to bash down my door, AFTER stealing my wallet with nearly a thousand dollars in it, that i met my friend Dan, the policeman.
Everything happens for a reason. Dan ended up being my only real friend at the time, and helped save my life.
King Cobras are not known to be the sharpest tools in the shed, and i guess the particular one that i had a run in with, didn't expect me to dial 111, while he was trying to bash my door in, to get the cell phone back that he needed to do all his drug deals, that he left on my couch before swiping my wallet on his way out the door.
I hope he is in prison with this moron. I cannot BELIEVE though, that prisoners are able to update their Facebook status, with smuggled phones, while in prison. I was told ages ago, that Mt Eden prison had put in some kind of cell phone coverage block so that phones would not work from inside, even if they did successfully manage to get smuggled in. I wonder what happened to that?
Anyway, here is a little tip for all you King Cobra gang members out there - and any other gang members out there that have the FTP attitude - STOP BEAKING THE LAW AND THEN YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE POLICE BUGGING YOU.
Merry Christmas back...morons.
Keep Harassing the Prick
Mark Hotchin hot and bothered in luxury hideaway - National - NZ Herald News
Well done to the NZ Herald photographer who took this photo - i don't think they could have gotten a better photo of him! Is he actually snarling? I think he is.
All that money and luxury doesn't look like it has made Mark a very happy person! Kinda makes me even more grateful for my rented dump, my ten year old car, and the fact that i never quite manage to receive the prompt payment discount on my power bill...
Well done to the NZ Herald photographer who took this photo - i don't think they could have gotten a better photo of him! Is he actually snarling? I think he is.
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| Mark Hotchin's SNARL |
All that money and luxury doesn't look like it has made Mark a very happy person! Kinda makes me even more grateful for my rented dump, my ten year old car, and the fact that i never quite manage to receive the prompt payment discount on my power bill...
December 20, 2010
National Take a Break From Blogging Day
Just cause i said so...and have been busy with the girls. :)
December 19, 2010
Summer
This is about right, after the weather that we have had this past week! It is what my home has looked like anyway.
Life Will Test You - 2
'...God has come to test you...' Exodus 20:20 NKJV
Sometimes, maybe we just need a bit of time out. I know i needed some peace and quiet. Loving having them back though, and there have been no arguments...not even after i had to spend an hour looking for their computer cord, that i had hidden from them, because i had hidden it so well that i could not remember where i had put it. Then when we finally did find it, Jorgia went to plug it back in and the computer made a loud popping noise, and now it will not turn on. It just went poof.
Oh dear. I wonder how much that is going to cost me to fix. It's always something. Isn't it? Lucky i still had their old computer out in the garage. That will have to tide them over until their new one gets fixed. It goes at snail pace, but o well!
I am just pleased that they are back home, and everyone is happy and behaving, and being nice to each other again! haha...and they even admitted that they were being a LITTLE bit bratty.
Nice one. Next time that happens, and we are all getting on each other's nerves...i will think of Chippy, before i pull all my hair out.
God told His people: '...the Lord your God led you...these forty years in the wilderness, to...test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not...' The tests of life reveal how well you take instruction, what you've learned, and what you'll do in any given set of circumstances. What you've been taught is only theory, until it's been tested. And life will test you!Oh. My. Gosh. Poor Chippy! I will think of Chippy, next time i am having a difficult time with the girls...or Billy. For now though, everything is back to happy in our home. I really missed the girls this week while they were gone. Don't tell them i said that though.
Chuck Swindoll tells the story of a bird named Chippy: 'Chippy the parakeet never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage singing, the next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over. His problem began when his owner decided to clean his cage with a vacuum. She stuck the nozzle in to suck up the seeds and feathers at the bottom of the cage. Then the phone rang. Instinctively she turned to pick it up. She'd barely said 'hello' when–sswwwwPPPPP! Chippy got sucked in. She gasped, let the phone drop, and snapped off the vacuum. With her heart in her mouth, she unzipped the bag. There was Chippy–alive, but stunned–covered with heavy black dust.
She grabbed him and rushed to the bathtub, turned on the tap full blast and held Chippy under a torrent of ice-cold water, power-washing him clean. Then she did what any compassionate pet owner would do: she snatched up the hairdryer and blasted the wet, shivering little bird with hot air.' Swindoll closes his story with these words: 'Chippy doesn't sing much any more.'
Life will test you, but don't let it steal your song!
Sometimes, maybe we just need a bit of time out. I know i needed some peace and quiet. Loving having them back though, and there have been no arguments...not even after i had to spend an hour looking for their computer cord, that i had hidden from them, because i had hidden it so well that i could not remember where i had put it. Then when we finally did find it, Jorgia went to plug it back in and the computer made a loud popping noise, and now it will not turn on. It just went poof.
Oh dear. I wonder how much that is going to cost me to fix. It's always something. Isn't it? Lucky i still had their old computer out in the garage. That will have to tide them over until their new one gets fixed. It goes at snail pace, but o well!
I am just pleased that they are back home, and everyone is happy and behaving, and being nice to each other again! haha...and they even admitted that they were being a LITTLE bit bratty.
Nice one. Next time that happens, and we are all getting on each other's nerves...i will think of Chippy, before i pull all my hair out.
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| Yep...pretty much! |
Be a shining light this Christmas - Tanya Unkovich
Be a shining light this Christmas - Tanya Unkovich
I love Tanya's blogs.
I love Tanya's blogs.
Time, kindness and living by example as a shining light is the greatest gift you can give your friends and family or someone in need during this most sacred time. (And it does not cost you a thing).
Mediawatch December 19th 2010
Radio New Zealand National : Programmes A-Z : Mediawatch
Download today's podcast and fast forward to 19:50. Russell Brown sums up Michael Laws' year of hypocrisy rather nicely. Other than the fact that he misreported that i was on home detention at the time, when i made a comment on Laws' facebook page, regarding the fact that he should not be offering his prescription meds on Trade me...that is.
I was not on home detention at the time.
Pretty sure that i actually went on to explain to Michael in that very same post, that offering medication to anyone, even for free, is illegal and considered "supply" and that it was wrong of him to be doing that...they left that out of the snippy woman's voice who read out what i had typed though.
I guess that just goes to show how difficult mainstream media find it, to ever get anything right...and can turn anything, into anything that they want it to be.
Laws has enough hypocrisy in his life without me. Maybe one day people could stop using me as one of the examples. I know that it serves the media's purpose to make me look as bad as possible. The worse i am /seem...the worse Laws is. Seriously though...is the hideous man not already bad enough without using me?
I think he is...but, i guess that is just me, and my opinion. I just feel like puking when he refers to himself as "floaty floaty boy" lol...YUCK!
Download today's podcast and fast forward to 19:50. Russell Brown sums up Michael Laws' year of hypocrisy rather nicely. Other than the fact that he misreported that i was on home detention at the time, when i made a comment on Laws' facebook page, regarding the fact that he should not be offering his prescription meds on Trade me...that is.
I was not on home detention at the time.
Pretty sure that i actually went on to explain to Michael in that very same post, that offering medication to anyone, even for free, is illegal and considered "supply" and that it was wrong of him to be doing that...they left that out of the snippy woman's voice who read out what i had typed though.
I guess that just goes to show how difficult mainstream media find it, to ever get anything right...and can turn anything, into anything that they want it to be.
Laws has enough hypocrisy in his life without me. Maybe one day people could stop using me as one of the examples. I know that it serves the media's purpose to make me look as bad as possible. The worse i am /seem...the worse Laws is. Seriously though...is the hideous man not already bad enough without using me?
I think he is...but, i guess that is just me, and my opinion. I just feel like puking when he refers to himself as "floaty floaty boy" lol...YUCK!
Pammy's offers $240 an hour
Pammy's offers $240 an hour - National - NZ Herald News
No one has ever disputed that women have sex drives...Pammy. Most women that i know, have bigger sex drives than the men that i know. However, like i have said before, men and women want and expect different things, and i can't imagine that there are many women out there that would enjoy, or pay for sex, with someone that they know does not find them attractive, or desirable.
Whether you like it, or want to admit it or not...women are not as dumb as men, when it comes to this kind of thing. A 50 year old man is easily fooled into believing that the hot ,young, 20 year old blond that he has just paid, thinks he is the best, sexiest, biggest, most wonderful sexual partner she has ever had. Even if he is smarter than your average horny male, at the end of the day, all he REALLY cares about it getting his end away, anyway.
Women are different. They want an emotional connection, and that is impossible to get when you know that the person that you are having sex with, would not be there if there was not a monetary reward in it for him at the end of the encounter, or that he has probably had to pop 4 little blue pills that night just to get his dumb stick to work. I also doubt women would be interested in a man who "lies on his back!"
I give it 3 months. In saying that though...it might last longer than three months, if the men are willing to service other men. The busiest sex worker that i ever met, was a tranny who spent all day, every day, with the husbands of Auckland women, that had no idea what their other half got up to during office hours. Michael Laws might even pay them a visit...he could even hook them up with his supplier of little blue pills.
Who knows, but I struggle to believe, that with just about every female brothel in town, losing money, and about to go under, Pammy has any financial backers. I guess that just goes to show that IQ, or even common sense, do not have anything to do with disposable wealth.
Speaking of disposable wealth - If the men are going to be paid $240 per hour...what on earth is she planning on charging for their services? I am assuming she will want a cut? Considering the owners of female brothels usually take a 50% cut...Yikes...that's pretty pricey Pammy!
Related Posts:
Women asked does size really matter?
TV Star Plans Brothel
At $240 an hour, the job offers one of the best pay rates in Auckland - and any bloke could do it lying on his back.They might get paid $240.00 an hour but it's a shame Pammy doesn't mention that they will be lucky to get one hour of work a month. Divide that $240 by the amount of hours that these men will end up sitting around in that beautiful decor, earning nothing, and they will be lucky if it works out to be minimum wage.
Former MP Pam Corkery and her business partner Rebekah Hay began advertising this weekend for male prostitutes to work in Pammy's, her "world-first" private women's club opening early in the new year.
Corkery and her unnamed backers were spending more than $6 million fitting out a historic Auckland building with bars, a dance floor, spa, 14 themed rooms, VIP suite, an orangery, and a discreet parking area and entrance way.
They have already headhunted two experienced madams from other Auckland premises, and have begun hiring female security guards - former police and SAS personnel. Security would, said Corkery, be "uber-tight".
And yesterday, she advertised in the Herald for men to work in "the world's first legal bordello - including bathhouse and bars - exclusively for female clients."
Corkery said that since she announced her plans, 700 men had expressed interest on Facebook.
Once the hopefuls have been shortlisted, a "panel of celebrity women" would choose the successful applicants - although Corkery did not say how they would be chosen.
The men would work as subcontractors, doing shifts in the bar, around the dancefloor and in the 14 rooms. Those rooms would be named after historical queens and princesses, such as Nefertiti and Helen of Troy.
"Women are incredibly discerning," she said. "They want beautiful decor, they want their men trained in everything ... This is a place for women who have never been treated the way they should be."
The building, on St Benedicts St overlooking Spaghetti Junction, was being extensively renovated under the supervision of Julie Stout, from Mitchell and Stout Architects, and a member of the Mayor's Task Force on Urban Design.
Corkery has engaged sex therapist Wellington Michelle Mars to train the "boys".
"Most men don't upskill. They tend to stick to the same old techniques ...there are exercises for boys with performance issues," Corkery said.
She was adamant there would be demand from Auckland women for Pammy's services. "They said the same thing about the vote - women won't vote, only men do that. Women won't drive, women won't want their names on the title of the house - well, you know, they do.
"And we have convinced our chief financial backers that women do have sex drives."
No one has ever disputed that women have sex drives...Pammy. Most women that i know, have bigger sex drives than the men that i know. However, like i have said before, men and women want and expect different things, and i can't imagine that there are many women out there that would enjoy, or pay for sex, with someone that they know does not find them attractive, or desirable.
Whether you like it, or want to admit it or not...women are not as dumb as men, when it comes to this kind of thing. A 50 year old man is easily fooled into believing that the hot ,young, 20 year old blond that he has just paid, thinks he is the best, sexiest, biggest, most wonderful sexual partner she has ever had. Even if he is smarter than your average horny male, at the end of the day, all he REALLY cares about it getting his end away, anyway.
Women are different. They want an emotional connection, and that is impossible to get when you know that the person that you are having sex with, would not be there if there was not a monetary reward in it for him at the end of the encounter, or that he has probably had to pop 4 little blue pills that night just to get his dumb stick to work. I also doubt women would be interested in a man who "lies on his back!"
I give it 3 months. In saying that though...it might last longer than three months, if the men are willing to service other men. The busiest sex worker that i ever met, was a tranny who spent all day, every day, with the husbands of Auckland women, that had no idea what their other half got up to during office hours. Michael Laws might even pay them a visit...he could even hook them up with his supplier of little blue pills.
Who knows, but I struggle to believe, that with just about every female brothel in town, losing money, and about to go under, Pammy has any financial backers. I guess that just goes to show that IQ, or even common sense, do not have anything to do with disposable wealth.
Speaking of disposable wealth - If the men are going to be paid $240 per hour...what on earth is she planning on charging for their services? I am assuming she will want a cut? Considering the owners of female brothels usually take a 50% cut...Yikes...that's pretty pricey Pammy!
Related Posts:
Women asked does size really matter?
TV Star Plans Brothel
Six of the best: Spots to walk off Christmas dinner
Just something i found on the NZ Herald website this morning, that i thought was share-worthy!
Six of the best spots to walk off Christmas dinner in Auckland
1. Cascade Walkway, Meadowland Dr to Lloyd Elsmore Park in Pakuranga.
A tummy-settling 6km stretch takes you past pine trees and stream, the Howick Historical Village and sports reserves. Put the dog on a lead, the kids on their new bikes and explore.
2. Oakley Creek Walkway and Esplanade Reserve, 1408 to 1508 Great North Rd, Waterview
Te Auaunga is the only waterfall within the Auckland city area, an unexpected haven tucked between Great North Rd (near the cycle overbridge) and Blockhouse Bay Rd, it takes about half an hour to walk. There are viewing platforms to see the waterfall and plant and bird life.
3. Sri Chinmoy Mile, Auckland Domain
You could stroll the rolling greens of the Auckland Domain, or measure yourself an exact one mile (1.6 km) circuit on the Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team. Start at the sign next to the grandstand and follow Grandstand Rd South, Football Rd, The Crescent, Kiosk Rd and Grandstand Rd North to finish approximately 100m beyond the starting point at the marked finishing point. Every circuit earns another helping of trifle.
4. Westhaven Waterfront
Head west across Victoria Park and into Beaumont St from your inner city pad or down Curran St and under the harbour bridge from Ponsonby or Herne Bay for a brisk stroll around Westhaven. Stop to admire the gin palaces and make mental note to self to be really good for Santa next year.
5. Te Atatu Peninsula
You could walk around the entire peninsula or pick off pretty corners - the 20-minute Harbourview Reserve walk has stunning views across a wetland and the Waitemata Harbour, the Spinnaker and Kelvin Strand walk follows coastal wetland and beach to views of West Harbour Marina, Chapman Strand follows a seawall to the Te Atatu Boat Club.
6. Orakei Basin Boardwalk
Christen the new boardwalk, all 625m of it running along the rail corridor to finally link Orakei Rd and Purewa Rd from the main Orakei Basin carpark, as far as the Auckland Water Ski Club.
Six of the best spots to walk off Christmas dinner in Auckland
1. Cascade Walkway, Meadowland Dr to Lloyd Elsmore Park in Pakuranga.
A tummy-settling 6km stretch takes you past pine trees and stream, the Howick Historical Village and sports reserves. Put the dog on a lead, the kids on their new bikes and explore.
2. Oakley Creek Walkway and Esplanade Reserve, 1408 to 1508 Great North Rd, Waterview
Te Auaunga is the only waterfall within the Auckland city area, an unexpected haven tucked between Great North Rd (near the cycle overbridge) and Blockhouse Bay Rd, it takes about half an hour to walk. There are viewing platforms to see the waterfall and plant and bird life.
3. Sri Chinmoy Mile, Auckland Domain
You could stroll the rolling greens of the Auckland Domain, or measure yourself an exact one mile (1.6 km) circuit on the Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team. Start at the sign next to the grandstand and follow Grandstand Rd South, Football Rd, The Crescent, Kiosk Rd and Grandstand Rd North to finish approximately 100m beyond the starting point at the marked finishing point. Every circuit earns another helping of trifle.
4. Westhaven Waterfront
Head west across Victoria Park and into Beaumont St from your inner city pad or down Curran St and under the harbour bridge from Ponsonby or Herne Bay for a brisk stroll around Westhaven. Stop to admire the gin palaces and make mental note to self to be really good for Santa next year.
5. Te Atatu Peninsula
You could walk around the entire peninsula or pick off pretty corners - the 20-minute Harbourview Reserve walk has stunning views across a wetland and the Waitemata Harbour, the Spinnaker and Kelvin Strand walk follows coastal wetland and beach to views of West Harbour Marina, Chapman Strand follows a seawall to the Te Atatu Boat Club.
6. Orakei Basin Boardwalk
Christen the new boardwalk, all 625m of it running along the rail corridor to finally link Orakei Rd and Purewa Rd from the main Orakei Basin carpark, as far as the Auckland Water Ski Club.
December 18, 2010
Life Will Test You - 1
"... God has come to test you... " - Exodus 20:20 NKJV
I have decided that starting tomorrow morning, i am going to set my alarm, and get up at 6am every morning and take Nixon for his daily run. This will be a huge change in routine, as i usually take him at night. The exercise speeds up my metabolism, at the end of the day, which then means i don't get to sleep until like midnight...and then i want to sleep half the day, the next day.
I need to change my body clock, and see if that helps with this fatigue that i have been feeling. If it doesn't...then i will head off to the doctor.
I did notice, that when i am really busy, and have lots on, i do not feel tired...but when i have lots of time on my hands, i feel like i could sleep all day.
I was recently advised, by someone who has also recovered from an addiction to P, and is a lot further down the track than i am, that it took him a good 5 years for his sleep patterns to feel normal again, and for him to not constantly feel like he could sleep 24-7.
I have to do something about this, as three and a half more years of wanting to sleep all day, does not really appeal!
6am start tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Do you remember the tests you took in school? You passed or failed, but you couldn't avoid them. Life works that way too. When it comes to life's tests-you must prepare yourself in advance! Jesus said: '... a wise man... built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall... a foolish man... built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall' (Matthew 7:24-27 NKJV).I am so tired lately. It is beyond a joke. Even more tired than i was back when i was on anti depressants to recover from that drug. I am starting to worry that there is something wrong with my physical health - i am that tired all the time. Might be time to make a trip back to good old Dr. Lee. I don't know. Maybe it is just that life is not all that busy at the moment, so am not feeling all that motivated?
The first man built his house on rock because he knew it wasn't a question of 'if,' but 'when,' a storm will come. The second man built his house on sand because it was cheap and easy. When the storm came the first man's house stood and the second man's house fell. What's the point Jesus was making? Your talents, your résumé and your reputation may get you to the top, but if you haven't built strong character you won't stay there long.
Furthermore, your beliefs may be sincere and line up with what other people around you think, but unless they're founded on God's Word they'll fail you when you need them most. Three times in the Bible we read, '... The just shall live by faith' (Romans 1:17 NKJV). When the tests of life come you've got to be able to rise up and say, 'I may not have all the answers, but I have proven God's character and track record and I'm trusting Him to do what He's promised in His Word!'
I have decided that starting tomorrow morning, i am going to set my alarm, and get up at 6am every morning and take Nixon for his daily run. This will be a huge change in routine, as i usually take him at night. The exercise speeds up my metabolism, at the end of the day, which then means i don't get to sleep until like midnight...and then i want to sleep half the day, the next day.
I need to change my body clock, and see if that helps with this fatigue that i have been feeling. If it doesn't...then i will head off to the doctor.
I did notice, that when i am really busy, and have lots on, i do not feel tired...but when i have lots of time on my hands, i feel like i could sleep all day.
I was recently advised, by someone who has also recovered from an addiction to P, and is a lot further down the track than i am, that it took him a good 5 years for his sleep patterns to feel normal again, and for him to not constantly feel like he could sleep 24-7.
I have to do something about this, as three and a half more years of wanting to sleep all day, does not really appeal!
6am start tomorrow. Wish me luck!
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| Don't even talk to me, until i have had two buckets... |
'Expensive paperweight' fired
'Expensive paperweight' fired - national Stuff.co.nz
This article made me laugh.
So Ministry of Social Development employees can go home sick all the time, breach their employment contracts by using the computer database to be nosy on the people that they know, and burn down people's homes....but HEAVEN forbid they tarnish the Ministry of Social Development's reputation, and how the public perceive government employees by admitting they are lazy on Facebook! haha
Really?
She did all that other stuff and kept her job, but admitted she was lazy on Facebook, and got the sack.
The world has gone mad.
A former Social Development Ministry employee landed in hot water after posting a Facebook description of herself as a "very expensive paperweight", "highly competent in the art of time wastage, blame-shifting and stationary [sic] theft".
The Employment Relations Authority in Auckland this week refused to uphold a complaint from Tania Dickinson, 34, that she was unfairly dismissed from her role as a prison reintegration case manager at Work and Income's Kawakawa service centre.
She was sacked in April for her comments on the social networking site, as well as arson charges she was facing at the time, and an incident in 2007 where she had been given a formal warning for accessing records of clients that she knew.
Ministry bosses told her then that her behaviour had ruined their trust and confidence in her as an employee.
Ms Dickinson's Facebook page also included her favourite quotation: "hey boss, can I go home sick???".
Authority member Dzintra King said in her judgment that the online comments "endorsed a stereotyped view of slothful and exploitative public servants".
"They are derogatory of the public service and they are disparaging."
The Facebook postings would not in themselves have warranted Ms Dickinson's dismissal but, combined with her past behaviour, the ministry was justified in its actions because management could not trust her, Ms King said.
Ms Dickinson also argued she was unjustifiably disadvantaged by the ministry when her bosses suspended her with full pay in September 2009, and March 2010.
Ms King upheld this complaint.
Last week Ms Dickinson was sentenced to four years' jail in Whangarei District Court for setting fire to her former girlfriend's home.
This article made me laugh.
So Ministry of Social Development employees can go home sick all the time, breach their employment contracts by using the computer database to be nosy on the people that they know, and burn down people's homes....but HEAVEN forbid they tarnish the Ministry of Social Development's reputation, and how the public perceive government employees by admitting they are lazy on Facebook! haha
Really?
She did all that other stuff and kept her job, but admitted she was lazy on Facebook, and got the sack.
The world has gone mad.
I Bet Phil Goff is Grateful
That there are so many "Sallys" in this world! Not sure there are quite enough to ensure job security for him right now...but i guess they helped get him there in the first place!
Sally, one of the funniest talkback calls you'll ever hear!! - Audio Player - Audio - RadioLIVE
Sally, one of the funniest talkback calls you'll ever hear!! - Audio Player - Audio - RadioLIVE
December 17, 2010
Your Self-Esteem Must Come from God
'...I have called you by your name; You are Mine.' Isaiah 43:1 NKJV
My sense of self worth no longer depends on the man who's attention i happen to have at any point in time. It no longer depends on how much money i have. It no longer depends on material possessions. It no longer depends on my physical appearance. It no longer depends on what kind of car i drive, house i live in, or clothes i wear.
My whole life, prior becoming involved in that hideous life, and my subsequent recovery...those were the things that i needed to make me feel good about myself. Just like the message above says - none of it ever lasts, or lasted.
What i have now though, and what is inside me - will.
Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, 'Though you are one of the teeming millions in this world, and though the world would have you believe that you do not count and that you are but a speck in the mass, God says, 'I know you.' How wonderful is that? Take a moment and consider the things in life that rob us of self-esteem. Words such as, 'I don't want you; I don't love you anymore.' Or 'You're unsuitable for the job; sorry, we have to let you go.' Or, 'You keep making the same stupid mistakes. You'll never get it right.' Or, 'Why can't you be like your brother, or your sister, or so-and-so?'It took me 39 years to learn this one...and boy, did i learn it the hard way, but it has well and truly sunk in now.
Understand this:
(1) Your self-esteem cannot be based on what you do for a living. Because when you can no longer do it you'll feel worthless. Think about some of the famous people you know: athletes, artists, speakers, etc. When they can no longer do what they do they often get depressed, even suicidal.
(2) Your self-esteem cannot be based on what you own. Recently the US housing market lost up to 40% of its value in one year. Millions of people saw their social status go down and their financial security go up in smoke.
(3) Your self-esteem cannot be based on other people's opinion because it will always make you vulnerable to rejection.
What's the solution? Discover what God thinks about you and build your life on it. '...thus says the Lord, who created you...who...redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine' (Isaiah 43:1 NKJV). It doesn't get any better than that!
My sense of self worth no longer depends on the man who's attention i happen to have at any point in time. It no longer depends on how much money i have. It no longer depends on material possessions. It no longer depends on my physical appearance. It no longer depends on what kind of car i drive, house i live in, or clothes i wear.
My whole life, prior becoming involved in that hideous life, and my subsequent recovery...those were the things that i needed to make me feel good about myself. Just like the message above says - none of it ever lasts, or lasted.
What i have now though, and what is inside me - will.
December 16, 2010
Integrity - 2
"May integrity... protect me... " - Psalm 25:21 NIV
I love that last sentence - 'Guard my life...let me not be put to shame...May integrity...protect me...' and to think i got rid of shame, and was living my life according to the Bible, before i even became a Christian and began believing in God again. Like i have said before, a lot of it is just pure common sense...to a person who wants to live a good and happy life, that they are proud of.
We all know when we do something that we are ashamed of. We all know when we behave in a manner that we do not want anyone else to know about. I have seriously discovered, that the less i do that, the happier i have become. You can't go wrong. Living by the rule, that i refuse to do shame, is one of the things that helped me fix my life, and made me happier than i have ever been. It's so simple.
I am aboslutely adoring this cooler weather, and the cool breeze that is blowing through my home, as i type this.
Day three without the girls...have not even heard from them, and i am not missing them. Yet.
I am still enjoying my clean, and peaceful home, with no one talking to me in a sweet and innocent, high pitched voice, just because they want something.
Life is good.
Though repeatedly tempted by Potiphar's wife, Joseph said no. Faced with similar circumstances, David said yes. But the story doesn't end there. David married Bathsheba; when their son Solomon grew up 'He had seven hundred wives...and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray...'Solomon! What a crazy man! 700 wives and 300 concubines? Did he have time for anything else? Imagine the drama that his life would have been!?!? Holy cow...moving right along...
Integrity may not seem like a big deal now, but your lack of it will have far-reaching consequences. Integrity means keeping commitments, even though the circumstances in which you made them have changed. One leader points out that when integrity is the referee, your lips and your life will be in agreement. Your beliefs will be mirrored by your behaviour. There'll be no discrepancy between what you appear to be and what you are, whether in good times or bad. Integrity is not only the referee between opposing value systems, it's the decision maker between being at peace and being fragmented within. It frees you to become a whole person no matter what comes your way.
There's a story about a job applicant who was asked why he was discharged from his last position. He replied, 'Because I wanted to take work home with me.' When asked who he worked for, he replied, 'The First National Bank.' We smile, but in a recent survey of employees, 55% said they didn't trust their top management.
Are you trustworthy? Will Rogers said: 'People's minds are changed through observation, not argument. People do what people see. What they hear, they understand; what they see, they believe and follow.' That's why a corrected and contrite Psalmist prayed, 'Guard my life...let me not be put to shame...May integrity...protect me...' (Psalm 25:20-21 NIV).
I love that last sentence - 'Guard my life...let me not be put to shame...May integrity...protect me...' and to think i got rid of shame, and was living my life according to the Bible, before i even became a Christian and began believing in God again. Like i have said before, a lot of it is just pure common sense...to a person who wants to live a good and happy life, that they are proud of.
We all know when we do something that we are ashamed of. We all know when we behave in a manner that we do not want anyone else to know about. I have seriously discovered, that the less i do that, the happier i have become. You can't go wrong. Living by the rule, that i refuse to do shame, is one of the things that helped me fix my life, and made me happier than i have ever been. It's so simple.
I am aboslutely adoring this cooler weather, and the cool breeze that is blowing through my home, as i type this.
Day three without the girls...have not even heard from them, and i am not missing them. Yet.
I am still enjoying my clean, and peaceful home, with no one talking to me in a sweet and innocent, high pitched voice, just because they want something.
Life is good.
‘F*ck off Harrods’ done by a disgruntled employee...
dashperiod ‘Fuck off Harrods’ done by a disgruntled employee,...
Haha...so "F*ck off" is an appropriate message for children any other time of the year...just not at Christmas time.
Bloody drunk Santas are everywhere these days.
‘Fuck off Harrods’ done by a disgruntled employee, fired by Harrods from his job as the toy department’s Father Christmas, took revenge last night in spectacular style.
Gaining access to a maintenance control room, Lloyd Hudson, 35, from Ilford, Essex, was able to locate the chart and corresponding switches for Harrods’ 10,000 external lights.
Barracading himself in, Hudson disabled the correct lights until he could spell out his feelings to Harrods bosses and Christmas shoppers alike. He was removed by security guards after an hour-long stand-off, then handed over to police.
“He had drunk the best part of two bottles of whisky,” said a spokesperson for the iconic London store, “and it’s that kind of behaviour that got him the sack in the first place.” Hudson has since been released on police bail.
Knightsbridge visitors were stunned.
“Honestly, I am disgusted, ” said Irene Rider, 59, from Gary, Indiana. “I was with my grandchildren. We had just gotten off the bus. I said ‘look everybody’ and pointed up to the lights – but you know what the lights said? They said f**k off. And that is not an appropriate message for a child. At least not at Christmas time.”
Haha...so "F*ck off" is an appropriate message for children any other time of the year...just not at Christmas time.
Bloody drunk Santas are everywhere these days.
Text bullying victim tells lover 'see you in heaven'
Text bullying victim tells lover 'see you in heaven' - National - NZ Herald News
This story brought tears to my eyes this morning. I cannot believe that couple got off as lightly as they did.
If a 27 year old man ever went near one of my daughters, he would be considered lucky if he ended up in jail.
The saddest part of this, is not even the text bullying. It is the fact that Hayley believed that the hurt that this man caused her, would never go away. How do we explain to teenagers that the hurt that a broken heart causes, does go away?
A grown, and married man knows this. A 15 year old girl does not.
It is a real shame that this couple are not going to get the punishment that they truly deserve.
"I love you I'll see you in heaven," a 15-year-old girl wrote in a text message to her married, 27-year-old lover.
Almost three hours later, she heard back: "don't text me again just f*** off I don't care if you kill yourself I not even like you a***hole".
She was rushed to hospital, and the next morning her parents had to turn off her life support.
The last words of Hayley-Ann Fenton have been released in a plea by her mother that parents realise how devastating text bullying can become.
After a coroner's inquiry yesterday, Lesley Fenton said that just seeing people smile still brought back anguish about the death of her bubbly, happy-go-lucky daughter 17 months ago.
"I want to put it out there for all the mothers," Mrs Fenton said.
"Hayley was always caring, giving, had a heart of gold, and her first love ... Love was blind in a child's eyes."
Hayley met Pelesasa Tiumalu while working with him at McDonald's in January 2009. They began a sexual relationship, and Hayley and Tiumalu told her parents that he was only 20.
Six months later, Tiumalu's separated wife, Elina Tiumalu, returned with their almost 2-year-old son, and Tiumalu told Hayley he would leave her. "oh my god so we're breaking up? I can't lose you babe please please I won't be able to live without you," Hayley texted on a cellphone she used only with him.
Two minutes past midnight, Elina Tiumalu replied with a bullying text message. "stop f***en texting my husband you ugly bitch or I'll f***en smash your face ... you f***en retarded handicap abnormal punani bitch f*** off".
That day, Hayley bade goodbye to Tiumalu. "hi Pele um this might be the last text you ever get from me ... I love you with all my heart".
Shortly afterwards she had second thoughts: "I don't want to die any more can you please come take me to hospital".
She didn't hear back for 80 minutes and messaged Tiumalu apologising that she was not actually in trouble, saying someone else had sent the earlier texts.
Hayley then received abuse from Elina Tiumalu, who typed on her husband's phone as he stood by and watched. Hayley apologised again, even as she was about to be carried away in an ambulance.
"Before you even think of taking your life give your parents the last chance," Mrs Fenton pleaded.
"She made the biggest mistake in doing what she did."
The incident had broken the whole family, she said. "It ripped us all apart.
"How can an adult get away with bully texting to a child? I hope the coroner works something out for other families so hopefully they don't have to cross this path that we've crossed."
Tiumalu was this year jailed for four years and three months for having sex with a minor, while Elina Tiumalu was given a nine-month deferred sentence for intimidation, under the Summary Offences Act.
Coroner Wallace Bain said he would look at what criminal charges applied to text bullies, particularly where there was a death.
Vicious texts were harmful because they could reach teenagers alone in their bedrooms, he said.
"You [teenagers] don't know how to deal with that," Mr Bain said.
"It could be helpful for other parents to see the aggressive, violent context of these texts and what their children might be receiving."
A submission to the inquiry from Netsafe said one in five secondary school students were victims of text bullying. Operations manager Lee Chisholm said bullied teenagers could block offenders' texts from reaching them, but there was no way to monitor bullying on their phones.
Hayley-ann's last words
Hayley-Ann Fenton, 15
9.45am: "hi Pele um this might be the last text you ever get from me um I cant handle just being friends cause I love you too much and I cant live without you so um I'm gonna go now I love you and only you bye I'm so sorry tell everyone I said goodbye I love you with all my heart"
1.12pm: " ... you're the only one who knows I've done this ... I love you I'll see you in heaven"
1.17pm: "I don't want to die any more can you please come take me to hospital"
1.47pm: "please help me I'm in my bathroom please"
2.37pm: "I am so sorry that wasn't even me who text you all that honest I wouldn't kill myself ... are you still my best friend?"
REPLY (Elina and Pelesasa Tiumalu, 27)
3.44pm: "f*** off stop texting me or my wife going to come kill you"
3.46pm: "don't text me again just f*** off I don't care if you kill yourself I not even like you a***hole"
3.48pm "this is Lina are you f***ed in the head or what tell me where you are at and I'll f***en come show you what suicide really is f***en disabled f***"
This story brought tears to my eyes this morning. I cannot believe that couple got off as lightly as they did.
If a 27 year old man ever went near one of my daughters, he would be considered lucky if he ended up in jail.
The saddest part of this, is not even the text bullying. It is the fact that Hayley believed that the hurt that this man caused her, would never go away. How do we explain to teenagers that the hurt that a broken heart causes, does go away?
A grown, and married man knows this. A 15 year old girl does not.
It is a real shame that this couple are not going to get the punishment that they truly deserve.
Bizarro Michael Laws Escapes Again, Leaves Comments On Internet
The Weekly Coitus – Bizarro Michael Laws Escapes Again, Leaves Comments On Internet
I just could not...help...myself. lol Someone has a fantastic sense of humour....check this one out too...
"Michael Laws: It's Political"
I love that last paragraph about the horseman of the apocalypse! haha
Internet comments praising Whanganui’s mayor Michael Laws have now been traced to the recent arrival of a defective clone.
While early reports insinuated Mr Laws may have made the comments himself it has since been revealed that the creature, the result of a failed experiment, has been frequenting chat rooms since escaping from ‘BizarroWanganui’ last year.
The discovery of the author has also led to further questioning of the actual intent of the posts, as Bizarro is known to generally talk in opposites.
“Me love Michael Laws,” said Bizarro. “Me think he is doing a great job as a mayor. He is a very important celebrity and me think everyone should look up and respect him.”
It is believed that Bizarro originated from a cloning attempt on Laws in an attempt to provide additional support in 1996. His physical appearance and difference from ‘Laws Prime’ may have resulted in banishment to an alternate world.
While there have been many sightings of the pale, skin-flaking clone with several escape attempts Mr Laws said he could neither confirm nor deny the existence of the creature. “I don’t talk about myself or approximations of myself – it’s not in my nature.”
The creature is described as mild-mannered, logical and capable of rational debate. Police have said that the public can approach it on the street, as Bizarro is not in any way confrontational and has a genuine interest in other people’s lives.
“He’s a rather self-effacing bloke,” said District Police Commander Russell Gibson, “and will quite happily chat with young and old and listen to everyone’s opinion.”
I just could not...help...myself. lol Someone has a fantastic sense of humour....check this one out too...
"Michael Laws: It's Political"
Wanganui Politician Says Other Politically Motivated Politicians Behind Release Of Politically Damaging Text Messages
In a shocking statement Wanganui mayor Michael Laws believes that his high profile as a politician may be the reason behind the release of ‘salacious’ text messages romantically linking him to a former prostitute and P addict.
Laws has surprised many with his controversial theory. He stated that his “position as a prominent politician may have influenced the release”, a fear his political opponents have deemed irrational and paranoid.
The mayor believes a mark may have been overstepped. “This is simply gutter stuff, and it’s dangerous – it’s why I do not go out of the way to use my personal life in my politics”.
Laws also disputed that he was “pushy” or self-infatuated, a claim made by the recipient of the messages. “It has been inferred that I like talking about myself for three hours at a time. This is plainly ridiculous”. Laws has since demanded a series of four hour-long interviews with Mike Hosking to address this claim.
Early conjecture suggested that the text messages may have been released to promote Taupo as a tourist destination. With widely reported plans made between Laws and his special ladyfriend to visit the town, ‘new-media’ experts hinted that the news could be a possible viral campaign.
Terrance Bram-Tidings, Social Media Director at Auckland agency ‘69’ believed signs pointed towards such an occurrence, Taupo portrayed “as an edgy and exciting holiday spot for the newly-single and romantically-aggressive”.
Others believe that the text messages were released due to educational motivation. “He (Laws) is clearly manipulating the release to help show the dangers of text messaging to the younger generation,” said Wanganui businessman Dwight Jackson. “Or it could be a hardline message towards the gangs.”
The Wanganui mayor also dispelled recent rumours that he would be joining Winston Peters at NZ First, citing the difficulty in finding another horseman of the apocalypse to fill the vacant third position.
I love that last paragraph about the horseman of the apocalypse! haha
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