Some of us 'self-starters' need little or no appreciation; the rest of us need it regularly. God told Moses to encourage Joshua, his replacement, because he'd big shoes to fill. Even Paul needed appreciation. '...we were troubled on every side...Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus' (2 Corinthians 7:5-6 NKJV).Oh. My. Gosh. Does it EVER sound familiar!?!?! As much as i love my Dad, i have always felt the nothing i did was ever good enough. He always wanted more. I struggled with him treating Billy the same way, when Billy was over in America, living with him for a year. Billy graduated from high school over there, with straight A's and on the honour roll, and with extra awards for his artwork...yet all i heard from my father and stepmother for months, were complaints about him.
When you show appreciation, you're doing God's work! We think wonderful things about people but we don't tell them. Appreciation only works when you express it!
A psychologist interviewed the son of a successful business tycoon. The boy had refused to take over the family business after his dad's death, even though it would have made him very rich. The boy explained: 'You don't understand the relationship I had with my father. He was a driven man who came up the hard way. His objective was to teach me self-reliance, and he thought the best way to do it was never to encourage or praise me. Every day we played ball in the yard. The idea was for me to catch the ball ten straight times. I'd catch it eight or nine times, but always on the tenth throw he'd do everything possible to make me miss it. He'd throw it on the ground or over my head so I'd no chance of catching it.' Then he paused tearfully and said, 'That's why I have to get away; I want to catch that tenth ball!' This young man grew up feeling he could never be good enough to please his father. Sound familiar?
The Bible says, 'Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad' (Proverbs 12:25 NKJV). So, show appreciation.
Billy left Spokane, on a sour note, and has not had much contact with them since. I have not heard from them, since i received a birthday card in September - because i expressed my feelings to them that they should for once, just be proud.
That feeling of never being good enough, for my Dad, is why i ended up living in New Zealand. I guess it doesn't bother me as much when i am in a different hemisphere. The weird thing about it though, is that my Grandpa treated my Dad the same way, his whole life, and my Dad hated him for it. I just don't understand the whole repeating the cycle concept. I have gone out of my way, to not make the same mistakes that i feel that my parents made with me. Ok i have made some huge, enormous mistakes...but my children have always felt loved, and have always known how proud i am of them, how truly wonderful i think they are, how loved they are, and NEVER do they feel like they are a disappointment to me. NEVER.
I probably show too much appreciation for them. Now if only they could do the same! haha Teenagers huh? Gotta love em.
Recently, i got upset with my Dad and Stepmother. After our argument, regarding Billy, when he was over there...i emailed my stepmother and told her that i did not want to argue, that i was sorry for getting angry, and that we would just have to agree to disagree regarding Billy. I did not hear back from her, and have not heard anything else from her since....really. That was in June.
The other day, i got an email from my sister, Tracey....telling me that Billy's new laptop has a camera on it, and telling me that we can "Skype" and see each other etc. She told me how she does this with Dad and Monica, so that they can see Simon - My nephew all the time. Tracey lives about an 8 hour drive away from, Spokane.
My first thought was how awesome technology is, and i wonder why Dad and Monica have never once, expressed an interest in talking to my children - their grandchildren - who in the girls' case they have not seen since they were 2 and 3 years old. They have never made the effort to come down here and visit their grandchildren, and now, not even once, have they contacted me to see if they could talk to them on Skype. Yet they do this with Tracey, who they see several times a year, and are only an 8 hour drive away from.
It's things like that...that really hurt. When i mention this to Tracey - all i get it is...."Have you reached out to them lately?"
Honestly....One would think that by the age of 40, our parents' appreciation and approval would no longer matter to us.
I am going back to bed for a little while. Today's message has not started off my day...the best! haha But no doubt it was sent to me for a reason. I only had the Skype conversation with Tracey - yesterday.